IUI #2, Cycle day 8--Fourth Clomid and Low Fertility

Fourth day of Clomid today! Almost there. Last night I was feeling really crummy. Started crying for no reason and then got really depressed. I hate feeling like that. Anyway, tomorrow is my last day of Clomid. Hopefully the effects disappear soon after I stop taking it. I think that my milk supply is doing ok so far. Nathan hasn't really complained.

My monitor also prompted me to test this morning and I got a low fertility reading. Exactly what I would expect at this time in my cycle.

Mentally, I am doing ok. I am sorta starting to panic about the ovulation timing with the holidays and Brandon's job. I am just hoping that everything works out ok.

In other news, I called my midwife and set up a pre-conception appointment! It is January 7th at 9:30. I am really looking forward to that. Gives me a chance to talk about all this and really dicuss my future pregnancy and birthing plans. I'm excited. :)

Now, if only I could get this headache to go away...

I had a great night last night!

So I have been feeling really down the past couple of days because of the IUI cycle and the fact that it didn't work this time. Last night was my monthly homebirth support group meeting and I wasn't sure that I was really up to going. I mean, it is hard to be around pregnant women and brand new babies. But I decided that I really did want to go. It was the "Meet a midwife" day and I was super excited to see my "future" midwife. I had met her a couple of times before during the meetings and I just love her. Out of all the midwives there, we had such a great connection and I instantly felt close to her.

Anyway, so last night we had a really great group and a nice dynamic. We were able to talk about homebirthing and why we were choosing that path. The midwives answered all sorts of questions and really did a great job of presenting their practices to the group. "My" midwife was really sweet, answered all the questions that I had, and made me so excited to have our next baby.

So eventually, the topic changed from our future birth wishes to our birthing past. Several of us had really traumatic experiences in the hospital setting. It was so nice to be able to talk about Nathan's birth in a safe place and really process through what happened to me. By the end of it, we were all crying. I just really finally started to grieve for what was lost in Nathan's birth. I lost my confidence as a mother and a woman that day, and it was so helpful to be able to talk about that. No one said "but the most important thing is a healthy baby." I often hear that when I talk about Nathan's birth. And while the health of the baby is so important, my mental and physical health is also very important too.

My midwife came over and gave me a big hug. She said that I have something great in store for me. She asked me to go ahead and set up a pre-conception appointment so that we could get to know each other better and so that I could meet the other midwife in her practice. I just really love her. She is so calm and such a bright presence. I am just really looking forward to having our next baby at home. I just can't wait!

Someday soon, I will post Nathan's birth story here. It is long and drawn out and really emotional for me. Maybe I will be ready to share it with the world soon.

Bumper stickers!

Here are the bumper stickers I am ordering!! This one is basically to promote intactivism in the circ-happy midwest. If you would like more information on my stance on circumcision, please read this post by me. If one person sees this and wonders what I mean by it, then goes home and does some research, then it will all be worth it! Or maybe one mama, who like me, regrets doing this to her son, and she saves her future sons from it. Or a man, who had this done as a child and he can reach out to help himself or others. I am trying to turn my severe guilt and regret into something worthwhile. I am really trying to save others from this heartache.
I love this one! I think it really gets people to think about it. I mean why is the human species using another mammal's milk?! --Insert normal disclaimer here about how I really do understand when a small percentage of women cannot breastfeed and I am sorry for their loss of that relationship. I am saving this one. When I finally do get pregnant and begin planning my homebirth, I will slap this one on there. Can't wait for that!