tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56386731107760412282024-03-05T16:29:35.824-05:00So this is love...Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.comBlogger172125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-13239764183423857712008-12-17T09:45:00.002-05:002008-12-17T09:51:18.318-05:00IUI #2, Cycle day 8--Fourth Clomid and Low FertilityFourth day of Clomid today! Almost there. Last night I was feeling really crummy. Started crying for no reason and then got really depressed. I hate feeling like that. Anyway, tomorrow is my last day of Clomid. Hopefully the effects disappear soon after I stop taking it. I think that my milk supply is doing ok so far. Nathan hasn't really complained. <br /><br />My monitor also prompted me to test this morning and I got a low fertility reading. Exactly what I would expect at this time in my cycle. <br /><br />Mentally, I am doing ok. I am sorta starting to panic about the ovulation timing with the holidays and Brandon's job. I am just hoping that everything works out ok. <br /><br />In other news, I called my midwife and set up a pre-conception appointment! It is January 7th at 9:30. I am really looking forward to that. Gives me a chance to talk about all this and really dicuss my future pregnancy and birthing plans. I'm excited. :)<br /><br />Now, if only I could get this headache to go away...Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-49090728623894311542008-12-16T13:22:00.002-05:002008-12-16T13:25:45.190-05:00IUI #2, Cycle day 7--Third ClomidSo, I really hate this stuff. I feel so jittery and shaky. I just feel really crappy. I can't wait until I don't have to take this anymore.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-80805352731123883292008-12-15T09:53:00.002-05:002008-12-15T09:56:42.023-05:00IUI #2, Cycle day 6--Second Clomid2 down, 3 to go.<br /><br />Overall, I am feeling ok. Had lots of hot flashes last night. That wasn't fun at all because I would wake up an hour later freezing because I kicked off the blankets. I am also having some breast pain. Hopefully that lets up soon. My milk supply is still just fine. Nathan is enjoying the extra nursing sessions. :) <br /><br />I can't wait until this part is over.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-20942604009564252312008-12-14T09:37:00.002-05:002008-12-14T10:02:07.390-05:00IUI #2, Cycle day 5--First ClomidToday is the first day of taking Clomid. I didn't realize that I would be so nervous about it.<br /><br />Since the arrival of Nathan, it is no secret that I am a much more natural person. I have changed a lot. I am more hesitant to put things into my body now. I like being natural and not taking drugs. And now, here I am. Putting something chemical in my body, yet again. <br /><br />The side effects of Clomid include: enlargement of the ovaries, hot flashes, pelvic pain, nausea, vomiting, breast pains, headaches, mood swings, etc. <br /><br />In addition, I will probably have some loss of my milk supply. Some women do and some women don't. I am hoping that I am one of the women that don't. I am doing all I can to maitain it. Nursing lots, drinking insane amounts of water, taking some fenugreek, and hoping for the best. Regardless, I am sure that Nathan will keep right on nursing. I don't think it matters to him if there is milk or not. :) He likes the bonding time. <br /><br />So here it goes, one down, four to go.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-74524259644627050302008-12-12T09:35:00.003-05:002008-12-21T10:38:26.503-05:00In memory of...Noel. Today was your due date, my darling. You would be two years old today.<br /><br />I love you so much.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-22150023106722507542008-12-12T09:26:00.003-05:002008-12-12T14:42:24.390-05:00Letter to my nineteen month old boy...Dear Nathan,<br /><br />December is here! This is one of my favorite months. I love being all cozy in the house and looking at our Christmas tree. I am looking forward to the holidays this year. I can't wait to give you your gifts on Christmas morning.<br /><br />All in all, not much has changed since last month. You are still a really rowdy toddler! You love climbing and throwing things. You love playing with the dog on the floor. You have learned one new trick. You can scoot the chairs over the table and climb up there! You really scare me when you do that! You are up so high and I'm nervous that you will fall down. It has happened a couple of times and it is not so much fun. You cry and cry and then go right back to it! You are still really cranky most of the time. You have a lot of teeth coming in now and you are really in pain. Every night around bedtime you just start crying. It makes us so sad to hear you upset. I am really hoping that these teeth come in quickly. I can't figure out exactly how many you have coming in because you won't let me look in there. My last count was 6, but it could be more. Poor little guy. I do want to tell you that you have been such a great support to me this past month. Mama and Daddy are trying to have a little brother or sister for you, and it isn't going so well right now. Mama is upset and cries a lot and you always comfort me. You know when I am feeling sad and you try to make it all better. My little hero.<br /><br />I love you so much Nathan. You mean the world to me. You always have. And you always will.<br /><br />Love,<br /><br />MamaMandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-87279765886038704282008-12-11T11:51:00.002-05:002008-12-11T11:55:04.558-05:00IUI #2, Cycle day 2--Ultrasound update.Everything went just fine this morning. I did have a small cyst on my left ovary, but they are assuming that it is just from where I ovulated last month.<br /><br />I got my prescription filled and I start taking the Clomid on Sunday, December 14th. I take that for 5 days then just call when I see a "peak" reading on my monitor. <br /><br />All in all, very similar to last month, except adding Clomid in the mix.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-37751388174370059012008-12-10T14:27:00.003-05:002008-12-10T14:38:51.208-05:00No time to sulk...One of the bad things (of the many) about infertility is that the moment your period arrives, you really don't have time to sulk and be sad about it. Because it is the start of a new cycle and plans and decisions need to be made.<br /><br />I have to tell the office by 4:00 pm today if we want to do another cycle this month. This time, Dr. B wants us to use Clomid. I will talk more about Clomid later, but basically it is a fertility drug that increases the number of eggs produced. I will be like a freaking hen house over here...<br /><br />Anyway, the only downside to doing a cycle this month is the timing. It has to be very, very precise. I can not ovulate on December 23rd (or before) because Brandon can NOT take off any more days this year. I can not ovulate on December 25th because Dr. B's office is closed. Basically that leaves me Christmas Eve. Eek. Talk about pressure. Christmas Eve is CD 14 for me so <em>IF</em> I follow my pattern I will ovulate on that day. However, Murphy's law (and the fact that this kind of crap ALWAYS happens to me) tells me that I am going to pop out those eggs on Christmas Day. Ugh.<br /><br />I don't really know what to do. The thing with Clomid is, that I have to have one ultrasound (costing $180) on CD2 to make sure that I have no cysts on my ovaries. <br /><br />So, worst case scenario: We go ahead with the cycle, then I end up ovulating on Christmas Day. Well then we would just try the "old fashioned" way and possibly be out the $180. <br /><br />Thankfully, Clomid isn't that expensive. It is on the $4-9 list at all the pharmacies. <br /><br />I think that we are probably going to go for it. So, I ovulate on Christmas, big deal. We don't do the IUI, but we have two or three eggs to shoot for. <br /><br />Wish us luck....my ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 10:00. I will update after that.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-25389241813460202422008-12-10T12:12:00.005-05:002008-12-10T12:19:42.175-05:0011I am nothing if not predictable....<br /><br />Cycle number 11 has arrived. It sucks. I knew it was coming and it still sucks. Not really sure about the plan for this month. We may be doing another IUI cycle because Brandon has two weeks off work around Christmas time. This way he wouldn't have to take off work at all. I left a message for Dr. B asking if we should be trying some Clomid or something. Clomid is a pill that works to increase the number of eggs that are released, thus giving us more "targets" to shoot for. We will see what he says about that.<br /><br />All in all, it is a pretty craptastic day.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-38779012907931094132008-12-09T09:05:00.003-05:002008-12-09T09:22:49.165-05:00I had a great night last night!So I have been feeling really down the past couple of days because of the IUI cycle and the fact that it didn't work this time. Last night was my monthly homebirth support group meeting and I wasn't sure that I was really up to going. I mean, it is hard to be around pregnant women and brand new babies. But I decided that I really did want to go. It was the "Meet a midwife" day and I was super excited to see my "future" midwife. I had met her a couple of times before during the meetings and I just love her. Out of all the midwives there, we had such a great connection and I instantly felt close to her.<br /><br />Anyway, so last night we had a really great group and a nice dynamic. We were able to talk about homebirthing and why we were choosing that path. The midwives answered all sorts of questions and really did a great job of presenting their practices to the group. "My" midwife was really sweet, answered all the questions that I had, and made me so excited to have our next baby. <br /><br />So eventually, the topic changed from our future birth wishes to our birthing past. Several of us had really traumatic experiences in the hospital setting. It was so nice to be able to talk about Nathan's birth in a safe place and really process through what happened to me. By the end of it, we were all crying. I just really finally started to grieve for what was lost in Nathan's birth. I lost my confidence as a mother and a woman that day, and it was so helpful to be able to talk about that. No one said "but the most important thing is a healthy baby." I often hear that when I talk about Nathan's birth. And while the health of the baby is so important, my mental and physical health is also very important too. <br /><br />My midwife came over and gave me a big hug. She said that I have something great in store for me. She asked me to go ahead and set up a pre-conception appointment so that we could get to know each other better and so that I could meet the other midwife in her practice. I just really love her. She is so calm and such a bright presence. I am just really looking forward to having our next baby at home. I just can't wait!<br /><br />Someday soon, I will post Nathan's birth story here. It is long and drawn out and really emotional for me. Maybe I will be ready to share it with the world soon.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-31043678547985235722008-12-07T13:32:00.001-05:002008-12-07T13:32:11.925-05:00Support Inactivism- Vote for Change!<div style="text-align:center; width: 211px;"><embed src="http://www.change.org/widget_flash/ideas.swf?xmlFile=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.change.org%2Fwidgets%2Fcontent%2Fchange_idea%2F1852" quality="high" wmode="transparent" width="211" height="283" name="IdeaForChange" align="middle" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" > </embed></div><img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bHQ9MTIyODY3NDY3MzIyNiZwdD*xMjI4Njc*NzIzMzk1JnA9NDMyMzAzJmQ9Jm49YmxvZ2dlciZnPTEmdD*mbz*yNGRiM2YyMTIwODA*ZDNlYTI3NzZjMThjZTNhYmFjNQ==.gif" />Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-8760829151138658252008-12-05T10:42:00.005-05:002008-12-05T12:53:12.968-05:00IUI #1, Cycle day 23Thought I would just give an update. Well not really an update per <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">se</span>, as I have no major news or anything.<br /><br />I am currently 9 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">DPO</span>/ Post <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">IUI</span>. Overall I am feeling pretty crappy. I am positive that this month was not successful. :( I just have this feeling and I know now to honor that. 7<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">PDO</span> and 8 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">DPO</span> I had some cramping, which is slightly unusual for me because I normally don't cramp until I start my period. The cramping went away, but I am now getting some strong PMS signs. :( I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say, that I am sure that this month wasn't the month for us.<br /><br />It sucks. Basically I am feeling really sad, angry, hurt, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">disappointed</span>, and every emotion in between. Brandon says to not give up hope, but I know my body. It's just really hard. I hate that we have to go through this. I am trying to remain positive for future cycles, because we got such great semen analysis numbers, but at the same time, it hit me. If we can't get pregnant with the best numbers that we have ever had, then what makes me think that we could possibly get pregnant this way at all?<br /><br />Blah...obviously I have around 5 more days until I will know for certain, but I am slowly trying to tell everyone not to expect good news.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-71188343374729346132008-12-03T15:21:00.002-05:002008-12-03T15:25:03.632-05:00Nathan and Lucy<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiJRqJ-daotkjO53BRJgfEDzTk0zofW7S46rOhMzKLz3cZrINWwutea_TiM9N8-5klOJJnUSqcgfKQAdHN-NpO4wibHfnKSRxZV8MvCxGggQkCJ4nlr_w1VtJeGfXwJ3JahHVdSvNLcYS7/s1600-h/100_3771.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275662229269024754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiJRqJ-daotkjO53BRJgfEDzTk0zofW7S46rOhMzKLz3cZrINWwutea_TiM9N8-5klOJJnUSqcgfKQAdHN-NpO4wibHfnKSRxZV8MvCxGggQkCJ4nlr_w1VtJeGfXwJ3JahHVdSvNLcYS7/s400/100_3771.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgROoFLfNWiiEO_iWLLFuE_X41sIOITzGSHp7iYscrP7dQM46qct90H5e9KCFlXR2HPdK-WS_PhLAtH-8rRemedy_CysQaLL4dOqdL1JzMNlto9V8u1wOlucEf66KLGEAZmsECVXTtUhcop/s1600-h/100_3769.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275662224259501058" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgROoFLfNWiiEO_iWLLFuE_X41sIOITzGSHp7iYscrP7dQM46qct90H5e9KCFlXR2HPdK-WS_PhLAtH-8rRemedy_CysQaLL4dOqdL1JzMNlto9V8u1wOlucEf66KLGEAZmsECVXTtUhcop/s400/100_3769.jpg" border="0" /></a> Nathan and Lucy really are best buddies. She is so good to him. Here he is laying on the dog while watching Seseme Street. :)<br /><br /><div></div></div>Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-30656545821089093202008-12-02T11:29:00.006-05:002009-01-27T15:31:39.836-05:00IUI #1, Cycle day 20: Semen Analysis Results!Ok, so I am freaking out right now!!!<br /><br />The nurse called with our count numbers from IUI day!<br /><br />Post wash:<br /><br />count: 48 million (this is really really great)<br /><br />motility: 28% rapid, 44% slow Total motility: 72%!! (this is awesome!, they want it above 50%).<br /><br />morphology: 4% 4% (slightly abnormal)!!!!!!! That is freaking awesome for us! We have never seen a number above 0-1%<br /><br />Dr. B said that he is confident in this numbers. Even if I don't get pregnant this cycle, with numbers like these, IUIs will most likely be successful for us. I am on cloud 9 right now. Even if this isn't the month, I know that this will work in the future!!!!!!!! I can't believe it! Granted, these numbers aren't a guarantee for next time, but we now know how long to abstain before IUI day. :)Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-24242433495715991532008-12-01T09:10:00.002-05:002008-12-01T09:25:00.870-05:00The waiting gameI can't believe that December is here. November went by really quickly!<br /><br />Although I am sure that the next week is going to go sooooo slow. I am currently 5DPO (days post ovulation/IUI) and it seems like time has suddenly stopped. <br /><br />I will know a week from today if our IUI was successful. But sadly, I am already preparing myself for failure. My lovely PMS symptoms are starting to appear and it makes me so sad. I always have a stuffy nose (don't ask me why) before a new cycle begins and last night I could hardly breathe! I have also noticed that I am really moody. I snapped at Brandon this morning for no good reason. My face also breaks out before a new cycle. I don't have that yet, but I know that it is coming.<br /><br />It just makes me so sad, that we have to go through this. It is really just not fair. :( And I know what you are thinking. You are thinking "Man, she is being so pessimistic! It is impossible to know what will happen." I know, I know. The sad thing about infertility is that it draws all the optimism out of those who have to go through it. I have to mentally prepare myself for disappointment because I want to protect myself from being surprised. Don't get me wrong though, a tiny voice in the back of my head is still hoping that this is the month. Because without hope, why do we even go through this?Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-12755829512766709632008-11-29T08:26:00.003-05:002008-11-29T08:29:03.471-05:00My two sweeties...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipGD2o5ccyRjsKKv5Bm0YsiheFnUUZd_kgwFU6nhYtnmd5G_poGNf_6t0cH1X2jqhQM3tFRR03uC2boD6j2M1UjpIEGlsQkHVi2KbroNaL8k61DHk1rCUeSfRegfHsBO4o_NSzHHwq3gPG/s1600-h/daddyandnathan.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5274070769270484258" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipGD2o5ccyRjsKKv5Bm0YsiheFnUUZd_kgwFU6nhYtnmd5G_poGNf_6t0cH1X2jqhQM3tFRR03uC2boD6j2M1UjpIEGlsQkHVi2KbroNaL8k61DHk1rCUeSfRegfHsBO4o_NSzHHwq3gPG/s400/daddyandnathan.JPG" border="0" /></a> This was taken a couple of weeks ago, but I realized that I never posted it. I love this picture of the two of them. So sweet. Makes my heart smile.<br /><div></div>Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-70051396823166051162008-11-27T08:13:00.003-05:002008-11-27T08:18:08.492-05:00Happy Thanksgiving!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW8CwLwWRRBUIhbhpJHKCWunxRSu4vL8iv67RUgx2dJUPQBIEkXqyzYK_clnr8Jn46Pj3DU4GalWbO5dMOO32U8B8uC9mkF9kdAVFOHUd_qZJRbAj6KANYqMicXANpR5OCIpBGQnVz8fl_/s1600-h/thanksgiving.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5273324984703731762" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 319px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW8CwLwWRRBUIhbhpJHKCWunxRSu4vL8iv67RUgx2dJUPQBIEkXqyzYK_clnr8Jn46Pj3DU4GalWbO5dMOO32U8B8uC9mkF9kdAVFOHUd_qZJRbAj6KANYqMicXANpR5OCIpBGQnVz8fl_/s400/thanksgiving.jpg" border="0" /></a> Have a wonderful day everyone! Enjoy the time you spend with your families!<br /><br />I am so thankful for:<br /><strong>Brandon and Nathan</strong>- We have such a strong love between us. They light up my whole world. <br /><strong>My mom</strong>- She is so amazing. I don't know what I would do without her. <br /><strong>My family</strong>- We are loud and crazy sometimes, but I am so thankful that I have them in my life.<br /><strong>Our house</strong>- It is so nice to have a place to call our own. I love waking up here each day. I am looking forward to decorating for Christmas tomorrow!Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-17175820930985877442008-11-26T12:18:00.002-05:002008-11-26T12:21:42.635-05:00IUI #1, Cycle Day 14, IUI updateWe are back!<br /><br />Everything went just great. No problems and very smooth.<br /><br />Nurse said that the initial counts looked good. Although we won't know the actual numbers until Monday because they take a couple of days to count up. But she did say that they wouldn't do the IUI if they didn't think that the counts were good enough. So that is good news. Anyway, I am resting on the couch today. Hanging out at home, my mom is watching Nathan and is going to bring him back this afternoon. Brandon went in to work for a couple of hours but he is bringing back some Mexican food tonight. He was really sweet in the IUI room. Held on to my belly and said "Let's make a baby!" It was nice to have him there with me and holding my hand.<br /><br />Several people have asked me if an IUI hurts. Not really no. They place a speculum, similar to a pap smear. I felt a slight pinching when the catheter passed through my cervix and some mild cramping afterwards. Now I feel normal. <br /><br />So we will know in 12-14 days! :)Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-37784763488813367512008-11-26T08:09:00.001-05:002008-11-26T08:11:12.847-05:00IUI #1, Cycle Day 14, IUI today!Well we are off to have our IUI! :) I'm feeling really good this morning. Ready to get the show on the road. I will update when I get back.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-89810144982411154602008-11-25T09:31:00.003-05:002008-11-25T09:37:44.533-05:00IUI #1, Cycle day 13I got a peak reading on my monitor this morning!! So I have been on the phone for an hour trying to coordinate schedules. Had to call hubby, my mom, and the fertility office. Back and forth...<br /><br />Anyway, Brandon's appointment is tomorrow at 9:30 and mine is at 11:00. They have to have time to wash and prepare the sperm so that is why there is a gap in timing. <br /><br />Hopefully, everything goes well. My mom is keeping Nathan tomorrow. And I plan on resting the rest of the day. Dr. B doen't really require bedrest per se but I figure that it can't hurt. Don't want the little swimmers to be caught in gravity and fall out. Am I paranoid? Um...yeah. <br /><br />The timing actually isn't what we were hoping for as Brandon will have to take off work to be there. But, it is what it is. <br /><br />So tomorrow is the big day! I'm excited and nervous. Feeling good some moments and not so good the next. <br /><br />I will update after our appointment tomorrow. Wish us luck!Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-40457656978754677362008-11-23T09:16:00.002-05:002008-11-23T09:22:33.213-05:00IUI #1, Cycle Day 11I got a high reading on my monitor today. One step closer to peak! It set in this morning that this is actually happening. I'm really excited but so nervous at the same time.<br /><br />In a moment of panic, I almost thought about not doing the IUI this month. I'm scared about having another child. How on Earth could I possibly love another child as much as I love Nathan? Would that child not mean as much to me as he does? How can I divide my love and time between two? The love I have for Nathan is like nothing I have ever felt before. Will I be able to experience that same feeling again?<br /><br />I was told by my mom that it is a common fear that all mothers have. She said that no matter how many children you have you love them all. Hearts just keep growing. :) That made me feel a little better, so for now, the panic has subsided and we are all set to go!<br /><br />Some months I have two/three days of high before a peak reading and some months I have six/seven days of high before a peak reading. It just all depends. :)Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-44667092865621685352008-11-21T09:04:00.009-05:002008-11-21T09:25:32.201-05:00IUI #1, Cycle Day 9<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM6a8avVAjCPUrnP1aG96wUDqsy-N2V0QIt3DAO9KIoguD5SV39yw3IZuz1c2YTv99_fhBQF5LvMcLijFUrGs6bqGHWM4bdtvz3spT1GemK9wAGDeq7ExIVoii6iLXJjG5teCPNKsKqmkj/s1600-h/ClearBlue_easy_fertility_monitor.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5271112085192170018" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 250px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 128px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM6a8avVAjCPUrnP1aG96wUDqsy-N2V0QIt3DAO9KIoguD5SV39yw3IZuz1c2YTv99_fhBQF5LvMcLijFUrGs6bqGHWM4bdtvz3spT1GemK9wAGDeq7ExIVoii6iLXJjG5teCPNKsKqmkj/s320/ClearBlue_easy_fertility_monitor.jpg" border="0" /></a> My monitor prompted me to test this morning. And today is CD9 and I am at Low fertility. Exactly what I would expect at this time in my cycle. If you aren't sure what I mean by monitor. I will explain. I use a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor.<br /><br /><br />This little contraption is genius. It detects rises in TWO hormones during the menstrual cycle. Luteinizing hormone and estrogen. Estrogen increases the closer that a woman gets to ovulation. When a high level of estrogen is detected the monitor will switch from saying "low" to "high" fertility. LH increases when ovulation is imminent. When a high level of LH is detected, the monitor will switch from "high" to "peak" fertility. When I see peak fertility, I will call the office and have my IUI the next day.<br /><br /><br />The monitor also has a built-in computer. It keeps track of your cycles over months or years and will prompt you to test whenever it thinks that you are getting close. For example, earlier on in my monitor usage, it had me test on CD7. Now that it knows that I am a late ovulator, it waits until CD 9 to have me start testing.<br /><br /><br />The monitor is kinda pricey, however, worth it! It takes all the guesswork out of the equation. No more going blind from trying to read ovulation sticks. :) Plus it lasts forever! I have been using this since we were trying to get pregnant the first time.<br /><br />Granted, I pretty much know when I am ovulating anyway. I am a pro at this, afterall. I feel a twinge and know that I just popped out an egg. When you have been trying a long time, you just learn to look for these things. :) However, the monitor is nice because we really have to be precise in our TTC efforts. It is comforting to have outside assurance.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-46301049795033110382008-11-18T15:32:00.004-05:002008-11-18T15:49:09.363-05:00Going back to work, for real this time!So I have talked about going back to work in some past posts. But nothing has really called to me, and no position really fit my needs.<br /><br />Before I had Nathan, I worked as a RN at a freestanding birth center (I say freestanding because some hospitals are calling their OB units 'birth centers' and it can get confusing). Anyway, this place is basically like an old house that midwives have converted into a birthing center. It is a really nice place and I loved working there. I was actually the head RN there and really enjoyed my job. The one drawback to working there was the fact that toward the end (and one of the main reasons that I stopped working there) I started to disagree with one of the midwives. We just had a lot of friction between us and I would have handled some clients a little differently. Incidentally, she was also my midwife and the person that was present at Nathan's birth. So that had a lot to do with it. If you aren't aware, my birth with Nathan was very traumatic for me and one of the main reasons that I will never step foot in a hospital to give birth again. Anyway, so we didn't really get along well. However, I loved the other midwives in the practice. They were and are amazing women and I really enjoy working with them. I loved the office ladies. Super cool and easy going. <br /><br />Well, low and behold, last week. The office manager, who I absolutely adore, called and said that the midwife that I had issues with has decided to leave the practice. The office manager asks me if I would be willing to come back! And of course, I said yes!<br /><br />Being a birthing center, the hours will be very sporadic. I will "take call" on the weekends. And if someone happens to go into labor on my call shift, I will go in. The great thing about this is that I can still be a SAHM through the week. I don't have to give up time spent with Nathan. And if I do need to go in, Brandon will be here with Nathan, so we don't have to worry about any sort of day care situation.<br /><br />It is also great because I love working with laboring mamas and their families. I love making sure that they get the birth that they have dreamed of. I love seeing babies come into this world naturally and the way that they are meant to arrive. I love the spirit in the birthing rooms. So calm and peaceful, yet so full of love and life force. <br /><br />So I am pretty excited about going back. The office manager sent me some tax paperwork and I got that all filled out. I should start taking call in December!Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-20040471016915928802008-11-17T09:08:00.008-05:002008-11-17T10:13:07.419-05:00So this is love...a story of a feminist who happens to be a romantic<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr0euvPLzsAgYDNd0A4gZ_i9mq3RbVDThG_uMN49mh8O5IbPEx9mUXviDp-JbVCCvzmqCYyaIpnD8Cv6AfU-je0NUpJsdFirJWu9cFsG02z6uYFjaEUPl0zribsjH5bHBL2iLv25GrYT1a/s1600-h/cinderella.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5269643406890792786" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 148px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr0euvPLzsAgYDNd0A4gZ_i9mq3RbVDThG_uMN49mh8O5IbPEx9mUXviDp-JbVCCvzmqCYyaIpnD8Cv6AfU-je0NUpJsdFirJWu9cFsG02z6uYFjaEUPl0zribsjH5bHBL2iLv25GrYT1a/s200/cinderella.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>My blog title "So this is love" comes from the movie Cinderella. Cheesy, right? Yeah, yeah, read on....</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>So Cinderella had a rough go of it. She was stuck in this house with three hags who ran her life. Poor Cindy. Left alone by her dad and now nothing but a maid (Granted a blonde, super-skinny maid with freakishly small feet, but I digress.) So the feminist in me thinks that Cindy should have pulled herself up by her bootstraps, got the hell out of there, put herself through college, and moved on. I mean, why on Earth was she just waiting around for a proverbial prince to come and take her away? What kind of message does this send young girls? That they need some man or even just someone else in general to <em>save </em>them. But the romantic in me, still cries every time I see that movie. </div><br /><div></div><div>So Cindy and I have nothing in common. I'm a brunette with "more to love" for one thing. ("More to love" is my code name for plump.) I am not generally sweet or good-natured, as I can be downright sarcastic. I wasn't really oppressed growing up. I had what I now call, the "typical American" upbringing. Sure, we had lots of money issues and my parents divorced and remarried, thus bringing on the explosion of siblings. But honestly, who doesn't have a story like this anymore? I mean, the divorce rate in this country is out of control, but there I go on a tangent again. Anyhoo, my childhood was ok. Thankfully, I had an amazing Mama who is my best friend and generally the coolest person I know. And as a bonus, she never forced me to clean the cinders. </div><br /><div></div><div>So in the beginning of the movie I always feel so sorry for Cinderella. I mean, clearly all the oppression has caused the poor girl to go nutso. She is talking to birds and mice and must be on some sort of mood elevator because no one can be that happy all the time. Anyway, the part that always brings me to tears isn't the end of the movie when we know that happily ever after has arrived. It is the part when she goes to the ball and has met the love of her life. Her world changes in an instant and her view of it is somehow even rosier than before. She sings that song, "So this is love". She never knew love like that existed and it chokes me up every time. </div><br /><div></div><div>So where do my two sides meet? On one hand I am a feminist in that Cindy should do for herself and be her own person. But on the other, I am a romantic who adores Cindy's happiness over her prince.</div><br /><div></div><div>For anyone that has known me for awhile, you know that I had never met my romantic side before I met Brandon. The feminist in me laughed at Cindy and her stupidity. Then, as cliche as it may sound, Brandon turned on the light switch and overnight, the romantic in me set up camp. How else would the raging feminist turn into a housewife? As a side note, Bitch and Animal have a song called "Feminist housewives" and it rules.</div><br /><div></div><div>So this is love</div><br /><div>So this is love, Mmmmmm</div><div>So this is love</div><div>So this is what makes life divine</div><div>I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm</div><div>And now I know</div><div>The key to all heaven is mine</div><div>My heart has wings, Mmmmmm</div><div>And I can fly</div><div>I'll touch every star in the sky</div><div>So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of</div><div>MmmmmmMmmmmm</div><div>So this is love</div><div></div>Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638673110776041228.post-29043446114762087512008-11-14T11:22:00.002-05:002008-11-14T11:25:28.719-05:00The verdictWell, we are going to go for it!<br /><br />I realized that it is my fear of the unknown that made me hesitate. And fear is never a good reason not to do anything.<br /><br />I think that my cycle was long this month for a reason. I think that it was meant to work out that way so that we could go ahead and get started. <br /><br />So away we go!<br /><br />CD 2 today. The plan is to call when I see a peak reading on my monitor. Then the very next day I go in for my IUI. We are going tonight to pick up some more test strips for my monitor and some more prenatal vitamins, just in case.Mandiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06257521342551609684noreply@blogger.com5