Friday, November 14, 2008

Tick, tock

So I have to let Dr. B's office know by today at 12. They like to know on cycle day 1 or 2 if an IUI needs to be planned.

Brandon and I talked about it all last night.

Something is holding me back. My gut is telling me that it isn't my time yet. And the last time I didn't listen to my gut, it was the biggest mistake of my life. But why is my gut telling me that? It seems weird. Or is it my gut at all? Is it my fear talking?

If it doesn't work:

-Then we will know that several cycles are going to be needed.

-I could lose my faith in the fact that I could actually get pregnant this way.

-Will it dampen my spririt for the Christmas holidays? I'm not sure. Part of me isn't even expecting it to work. Is that the right attitude to have?! No. Although, I can't be too positive because I would crush me if it weren't successful.

-Will it make me regret not waiting until January?

-Will it make me dread January and trying another cycle?

-Will I scold myself for being impatient? Probably. This is how I work. :)

If it does work:

-I can deal with having an August baby. I can deal with being big and pregnant in the heat. We can add another holiday to my birthday and our anniversary month.

-Can I let go of the vision of a winter baby? Probably. I would be pregnant on the Christmas holiday. I remember that time with Nathan. It was so special.

As you can see there are a lot of things going through my head right now. It kept me up last night (go figure) and it helps to write all my thoughts down. I will let you know what I decide. Brandon gave me the go ahead to make the call. However I was feeling today is what I should go with, he said. Thankfully, he is on board either way.

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