Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Things are getting better!

The boys are now 2 and a half months old and finally things are starting to get better! Their sleeping has improved 100%! They are giving me a 4 hour stretch at night at the same time now!! YAY! I can handle 4 hours! They are, of course, up every 2 hours after that, but that is ok. :)

Nursing is going so much better too. I have had some warm, fuzzy feelings the past couple of days so all hope is not lost! I am just so proud of myself for doing this. The boys are 13lbs now because of me and I think that is just awesome. We are slowly settling into a routine so hopefully this good streak keeps up!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Letters to my sons...March 12th

Dear Gavin,


Today you are 2 months old!! You weigh around 11lbs now. You are so strong! You love pushing up while on your belly. You are noticing so much more of the world around you now. You love to smile and you love the mobile over the changing table. You watch it intently and get so happy! You are still waking up every 2 hours or so to nurse at night. Some nights are just unbearable because you and your brother like to gang up on Mama! I just try to remind myself that these days will fly by. I am trying to enjoy every moment of this time, although sometimes I do get a tad stressed when both of you are crying at once! I just want you to know though that I love you no matter how stressful the days are. You really like bath time with Mama. Mama gets in the tub and holds you while you float around and kick your feet. It is nice to be able to spend that one-on-one time with you.

So Gavy, 2 months has passed! Pretty soon you will be rolling all around and then sitting up! You are a sweet, sweet boy and we love you so much!

Always,

Mama

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Dear Kai,

You are 2 months old today!! You weigh around 11.5 lbs and have a double chin to prove it! You nurse constantly! It is your favorite thing in the whole world. You don't like to wait your turn at all. Mama is slowly learning how to manage life with two babies. But I won't lie, it is hard work! When you both cry at the same time I get a little stressed. Thankfully I have lots of help from Grandma Becky and Grandma Kay and Grandpa John. I have to say, that some of my favorite time with you is in the middle of the night when I look at your sleeping face nuzzled up next to me. It is a beautiful sight. You love bath time just like Gavin! I think you just love being naked! You crack us up!

I love you so much. You are my sweet baby boy and are so special to me. You are going to grow so fast, so I am trying to savor each day.

Love,

Mama

Friday, March 5, 2010

Nursing twins

Is seriously one of the hardest things I have ever done! It seems like, with twins, every new stage is the hardest thing I have ever done. But this is seriously difficult! I am nursing probably 8-10 hours out of every day. The boys are wanting to nurse every hour or so. All that would be fine if I could nurse them at the same time. But I loathe, hate, despise, tandem nursing. Seriously, every time I have to nurse them both together I find myself wanting to throw myself off a bridge. I have no idea if it is hormones from having two let-downs or what, but tandem nursing makes my skin crawl.

I debated on whether or not to post this. But I really want fellow twin mamas/ future twin mamas to hear the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

With these babies there are very few times of sunshine and rainbows while nursing. I rarely get the warm, fuzzy feeling while nursing them. It is really sad! With Nathan, I adored nursing! It was the greatest aspect of being his mother and I could sit and nurse him for hours and hours! Now, I am nursing because it is my responsibility as their mother to feed them. Sure, once in a blue moon I will get a nice, happy feeling while nursing, but those are few and far between. The main reason is that I am just nursing so much! The amount of time spent nursing doesn't allow for any time for myself. Seriously, yesterday, I had one 5 minute period when I didn't have a baby on me. So that in itself makes it hard and I do understand now why so many twin mamas don't nurse/ quit nursing.

Of course, I would never quit. I am far too dedicated to this. I am far too committed to my babies having the best for me to do anything else.

So I have committed myself to nursing these boys for one year. If at the end of one year, I still feel this way about nursing, then I will give myself permission to wean. Which is also not like me at all because I have always been a supporter of baby-led weaning. But I think that nursing twins for a year will be quite the accomplishment and I will allow myself to be proud and move on.

Although that is not to say that I am not hoping that my feelings on nursing get better so that I can continue past a year. I am hopeful for that. We shall see.

Go easy on me....