Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

38 weeks!!

Belly picture coming soon!

How I am feeling: Honestly, I never thought I would make it this far!! My whole pregnancy has been building up to making it to 37 weeks, so this is new territory for me. I am not going to sugarcoat things here (just in case there are other twin mamas out there looking for some commiseration) but my poor body is slowly giving out. With every step I take, my back and pelvis feels like it is breaking in half. The skin on my lower belly is so stretched that it has cracked open and is bleeding. My skin itches so bad every second of every day. This skin itching is, by far, the most severe form of torture that I can imagine. I wake up in the middle of the night with my hands covered in blood from itching. It is bad. Speaking of nighttime, I am only sleeping about 30-45 minutes at a time. There is no position that I can be comfortable in, so I am just exhausted. I am not really meaning to complain here, because to me, there is nothing worse than a whiny, pregnant woman. I hear women complaining all the time and it drives me crazy, so I am just sharing the cold, hard facts about twin pregnancy. I still feel very lucky to be pregnant at all. I still love these babies more than anything. And I will still carry on with this pregnancy so that they get every day they possibly can inside the womb.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Reflections on this pregnancy as I near the end...

I know in my heart that the end of this pregnancy is near. I feel that surge of excitement that can only be explained by this knowledge. My goal is just 2 days away now. My body is preparing for labor. I feel the intense pressure caused by one of my sons' heads. I feel the decrease in movement because they have run out of space. They are coming soon.

This has been a pregnancy full of ups and downs. What started out as a struggle to get pregnant is about to end with two, tiny, souls being welcomed into our family. My heart aches to think about the fear and uncertainty I felt when I found out that I was carrying two babies. I wanted to escape. I wanted to run away from a "high-risk" pregnancy. It was such a dark and depressing time in my life. I was so afraid for these babies, for our family, and for myself. I thought that there would be no way that I could come out of this pregnancy with two, big, healthy babies. I doubted myself and I doubted my body. The thought of that makes me ashamed because I know now that my body is so strong.

Although, I had to experience those dark times, in order to be where I am today. I have learned so much about myself during this pregnancy. I learned that I am strong. I am capable of handling anything. These babies were meant to come to us. I was meant to be their mother. And here I am, just days away from my goal. And likely just days away from meeting these tiny beings. My pregnancy was not "high-risk". It was relaxed and smooth. I did not allow fear of the medical community to cloud my judgement and decisions regarding my care.

I am lucky. I sit here with a belly full of two lives. There are three heartbeats inside my body right now. I look forward to birth. I can't wait to meet them.

Friday, December 18, 2009

36 week belly picture!

How am I even able to stand up??!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

36 weeks!

Belly picture to come this afternoon!

How I am feeling: Pretty good considering I am carrying over 12lbs of baby. I mean, sure, my list of complaints is growing by the day, but it is all worth it. Everyone who asks me when I am due gets a look of shock on their faces until I tell them that we are having twins. My belly is really, really big. :) I am carrying the babies very low now because Baby A is firmly engaged in my pelvis. That is actually a very comforting thought though. With his head being so low, it is very unlikely that he will turn into a breech position at this point. So, I am very lucky in that aspect. In talking with other twin moms (who mostly see OBs) many of them are getting so much pressure from their care providers about the babies' positions. It is so nice to have a midwife who gives me no pressure whatsoever. My appointments are very relaxed and I make all the decisions regarding my care. It really is a wonderful thing. A friend of mine is 38 weeks with twins now and her OB is demanding a c-section because "He doesn't want the babies to get too big." How sad is that? I'm very grateful for my midwife! In other news, I am now just one week away from my goal!!!! I am so excited to make it this far. Every day that these little guys are inside is one more day closer to full-term, big, fat, healthy babies! In the beginning of this pregnancy, I had a lot of naysayers. They would make comments like "Twins always come early" or "You'll never go to full-term". It will feel nice to prove them wrong! And even if the babies come this week, 36 weeks is still amazing and I know that they will be just fine.

I talk to the babies all the time. Telling them to stay in until next week. So hopefully, they listen to their mother. :) Hypnobabies is going well. I really love the relaxation it provides me. I am excited to use it for the birth. That's right folks, I am really, very excited to give birth!! I will say that at this stage in my pregnancy with Nathan, I was scared. Not this time! It is amazing to have a care provider that actually cares about the outcome of my birth. I had a wonderful dream last night. They babies were born at home with no problems. It was amazingly real. So, all in all, I am doing very well. Surprisingly good actually. Just taking it day by day. Next week, at 37 weeks, I will be celebrating like you wouldn't believe! To make it to that goal will feel amazing!

What the babies are up to: Growing and adding fat! They are fully formed and just waiting for their births.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Trial run with birth pool... was like a little piece of heaven. I am convinced that there is absolutely no where else on Earth that I would want to have these babies. Last night, we set up the pool for the first time to check on how long it would take to fill and to make sure we didn't have any leaks. Everything went perfectly and I was able to relax in the pool for a little while. It was so lovely. It was almost magical in here. I loved being in the warm water and looking at our Christmas tree. It kinda makes me want to have these babies while the tree is still up. :)
If anyone is wondering, that pool is La Bassine. I highly recommend it! Very affordable and comfortable! Super easy to fill and drain.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Professional Maternity Pictures

I love how they turned out! I know that I will miss this big belly when the boys are here!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Last Ultrasound!

It went perfectly!

The babies are measuring a week ahead and are around 6lbs each! (That means I am carrying around 12lbs of baby right now!!) They are clearly running out of room in there, but are handling it beautifully. Both babies were practicing their breathing movements and both heart rates were perfect. We were able to see their chunky cheeks and loooooong legs! They both have lots of hair. We saw it swishing around on the screen. It was just so amazing to see them in there and to know that the next time I see them, I will be looking at their sweet faces while holding them.

Getting so close!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Had our home visit last night!

It was awesome! It was so nice to have everyone here and to be talking about the birth. We had our midwife, her assistant, my mom, and my friend here. We shared a meal of potato soup and homemade bread and just chatted about how the births will go.

It was so relaxing and wonderful. This is the time that I start to feel sorry for all those women out there who aren't seeing midwives. Going to a cold, sterile, doctor's office just doesn't sound like fun at this stage in pregnancy. Instead, I was able to just relax and share in the joy of my pregnancy with important people in my life. Heavenly...

The babies heartrates were great and they are both still head down! She estimates them to be around 6lbs each now. So they are growing very well in there.

I am 35 weeks now. Just 13 days until my goal of 37 weeks!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Birthing beads

I am a member of a Due Date club at This is a group of women from all over the US and Canada that are all due with babies in January 2010. We all decided to do a "bead swap". Each woman picked beads that were meaningful to them and sent them to a "bead hostess". Our sweet bead hostess then grouped the beads together and sent them back to us. The purpose of doing this was to create a necklace to wear during our birthing journeys so that we could feel the love and support of all of these special women.

The center pendant is most important to me. This was sent to me by a group of women I have known for over 4 years, but have never met. They are amazing and special women in my life. They have been there for me through our infertility, our loss of Noel, IVF, Nathan's birth, and so on. After Nathan's traumatic birth, they helped me process what happened and helped me learn and grow from it. They are so supportive and just generally the most awesome group of ladies that I have had the privilege of knowing. This center pendant is a mother holding her twin babies.

I adore the necklace. When I put it on, I feel the love radiating from it. I can see myself giving birth while wearing it and that makes my heart smile.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

34 weeks!

How I am feeling: BIG. GIGANTIC. LARGE. I had a midwife appointment yesterday and my belly is measuring 49 weeks. 49 weeks?!! The average pregnancy is around 40 weeks and ends up measuring 40cms. I am 9cms over that already! I literally cannot believe how big my belly is. It doesn't even look possible that could be standing up! I have gained 32 lbs so far, which is right on track for twins, but it doesn't stop me from feeling enormous. In other news, the midwife is pleased with my progress. The boys are doing well in there and Baby A has dropped into my pelvis. This causes my belly to hang really low, it seems. This just happened within the past two days or so. The heartbeats sound great, although it took awhile to find Baby B's because he was hiding behind his brother. Which also makes it hard for me to feel Baby B moving. It scares me sometimes! I have another ultrasound scheduled for next week, so hopefully that will put some of my fears to rest. The midwife just wants to check on the growth of the babies and their fluid levels. Let's see, what else is new this week? Oh, I feel like I have been run over by a truck. I have a horrible cold and it is just not going away! That is causing me to be very emotional and very whiny. I just want to feel better! And today it seems like Nathan has caught my cold. Wonderful. So anyway, not really a happy post here, huh? Hopefully I will feel better soon.