Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Rock the vote!!!


Today is the day! At last! Don't forget to vote today! No matter who you are voting for, your vote counts.
Plans for today:
-Playdate with a Republican mom. Not sure how this one will go today!
-Vote!
-I will not be watching TV at all today. I do not want to see anything on the election. Frankly, my nerves can't take it! I am mentally preparing myself for McCain to win. Only because I have to prepare myself for the absolute worst. But in my heart, I feel like Obama just might do it! What a glorious moment in history that will be. I am just happy to be apart of it! GO OBAMA!!
-I will also not be checking my usual boards today. I post on several boards with other moms but I will not be looking at those at all. Can't handle the nerves. Although I may not be returning to one of those boards. I just didn't agree with some posts there and find it hard to be associated with it. :(
Anyhoo, so Mandie is in her own little world today. Watching movies with Nathan and avoiding the news.
GO OBAMA!!!!!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Pictures from Halloween!

Nathan was technically a "punk rocker" this Halloween! We tried to go for a mohawk but Nathan got a tad cranky with all the hair stuff. Not to mention that it was super windy out and his hair wouldn't hold up. So we went with two ponytails instead. Punky bruster meets pirate meets punk rocker. :)
My favorite part of the outfit!

So cute!


He really hates having his picture taken! But here is the whole outfit.



Ready to go trick-or-treating! We used the hood of his car to hold the candy! The candy was more for Brandon and I, but Nathan had a lot of fun!


And we're off!


We went trick-or-treating with my brothers and my mom. They went as Pirate football players! Mom and I were dressed for the game that night.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Back in time

Visiting Dr. B's office today was seriously like a time-warp. We went in for Brandon's semen analysis today. Nathan and I hung out outside because we didn't want to take a child in there. I would always get really depressed when I used to go in there for fertility appointments and there would be children in there. It was kinda like a punch to the gut. So out of respect for the current patients Nathan and I waited outside in the lobby of the building (there are numerous doctor's offices in one building). Anyway, as Nathan and I were waiting, it seemed so surreal. I mean, here I was, watching my toddler run around while sitting outside of the place where he was conceived. I remember that I used to sit in that waiting room and imagine what it would be like to have a child. Hoping and dreaming that someday I could 'graduate' from this place.

As I watched the couples and women walk in and out of the office doors, I felt myself feeling so sorry for them. I knew that place that they are in. I was there once too. It really sucks to be in a office waiting room like that. Everyone is there for the same reason and everyone else knows it. It kinda feels like an invasion of privacy. You catch yourself looking and each person that walks in and wondering what they are "in for" that day. Would they be getting bloodwork and an ultrasound? Were they here to find out if they were finally pregnant? Or were they first-timers and just beginning on their journey to parenthood? Whatever the reason, in the waiting room you could always feel a sense of solidarity. You were all in this fight together.

So as I waiting just outside this waiting room where I spent so much of my time, I wondered if I was truly ready to go through it all again? Could I handle the ups and downs? Could I handle the disappointment and pain? And at that moment Nathan came running over, giggling, and smiling. And I knew that I could handle anything, as long as this was my reward.

We find out the results of the semen analysis on Wednesday at our appointment.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!


I feel much better, whew...I had that running through my mind all night last night! Anyhoo, Happy Halloween!
Isn't this pumpkin cool?! I found it here. We did a pumpkin as well, however I couldn't get a good picture of it. :)

It is in my head and I have to get it out.

I removed this post. But I will leave this here. EQUAL RIGHTS FOR EVERYONE!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Sleep Max-PM, How I love thee...

Seriously, I am in love with this stuff! It really works!! It is completely natural, so no drugs! It contains Chamomile, Valerian Root, and Melatonin (1.5 mg). It also has some Calcium and Magnesium.

Last night went really well. I feel asleep quickly. Nathan woke up a lot, but I was able to fall right back asleep. Feeling really good this morning.

I am still going to make an appointment with the doctor to ask him about if I have a melatonin deficiency or not. I have so many of the symptoms, so I am wondering if this has been my problem since I was little.

Here are the symptoms of melatonin deficiency. I have starred the ones that I have.

insomnia**
difficulty getting to sleep**
difficulty falling back to sleep when awaken during the night**
light sleeper/easy waking during the night** I am a serious light sleeper.
early morning awakening**
un-refreshing sleep**
lack of dreaming** Hard to dream when you don't get sleep.
family history of insomnia**
personal or family history of breast cancer**My aunt
personal or family history of prostate cancer
prostate enlargement
fatigue**
depression** I struggled with this a lot in high school and college.
irregular menstrual cycle
unusual menstrual flow (light or heavy)
PMS**Just ask Brandon
scoliosis
poor sleeping prior to menses** My insomnia gets worse before my cycle.
anxiety** I have really bad anxiety and panic attacks.
sensitivity to stress**
cataracts
neurodegerative disorder (MS, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, ALS, etc)
elevated cholesterol
high blood pressure
blood clots
heart attack
heart arrhythmias** Noticed this in college. Diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia

So I have 16 out of 27. That is 60%. And most of the ones that I don't have are related to older individuals. Melatonin deficiency is common in later life.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sleepy time


This was me last night------->


My herb and supplement combination finally worked. I am kinda in shock this morning. Granted it wasn't as fast as it could have been, but I will take a couple hours over 4-5! It made me drowsy, but alert for Nathan. It was nice. I felt ok when I woke up this morning. In fact, I could have slept for a few more hours. I hope that it wasn't a fluke! I am going to try again tonight.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Herbal/ natural remedies for sleep

Um, I've tried them all. :( And none of them work for me.

I've tried:
Rescue Remedy for sleep
Valerian Root
Calm's Forte
Magnesium
Honey
And different combinations of all the above.

I honestly think that it is a physical problem as well as a mental one. I spoke with an herbalist today and he said that Melatonin (around 1 mg) is safe for breastfeeding moms. I am going to try that tonight. Hopefully I will have good news to report. If this doesn't help me, I am going to call tomorrow and make an appointment with my doctor (you know it's serious if I am willing to seek medical help). Hopefully he can recommend a course of treatment or refer me to a specialist. Tired of being tired and going to finally do something about it.

Wish me luck with the Melatonin. :)

Friday, October 24, 2008

My sweet hubby...


...brought me flowers today! In pretty fall colors.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Bumper stickers!

Here are the bumper stickers I am ordering!! This one is basically to promote intactivism in the circ-happy midwest. If you would like more information on my stance on circumcision, please read this post by me. If one person sees this and wonders what I mean by it, then goes home and does some research, then it will all be worth it! Or maybe one mama, who like me, regrets doing this to her son, and she saves her future sons from it. Or a man, who had this done as a child and he can reach out to help himself or others. I am trying to turn my severe guilt and regret into something worthwhile. I am really trying to save others from this heartache.
I love this one! I think it really gets people to think about it. I mean why is the human species using another mammal's milk?! --Insert normal disclaimer here about how I really do understand when a small percentage of women cannot breastfeed and I am sorry for their loss of that relationship. I am saving this one. When I finally do get pregnant and begin planning my homebirth, I will slap this one on there. Can't wait for that!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Night, night...


Nathan is saying "night, night" now! It is adorable! I say "Nathan it is time to go night, night." And he says it right back and runs over to the bed. Cutie, cute, cute!


In other nighttime news, I am really not sleeping well. Thinking about just going back to some Benadryl or something....am I a failure or what?! I just wish I didn't have to deal with this. I really think that the root of the problem lies in the fact that I am honestly a night owl. I would prefer to stay up late and get up late. But alas, the cutie pie mentioned previously makes that impossible.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Some hope...

Brandon and I are feeling really great about our new fertility plan. See a couple posts down for more details.

We are feeling better about choosing to do IUI rather than IVF. And it all comes from reading a blog from an infertility doctor. He really puts things into perspective and makes us feel like we are really making the right choice. Most of the following comes from his blog. My comments are in bold.

Why IUI?

During intercourse, 1% of the sperm make it to the uterus, and another 1% make it to the tube; the place fertilization takes place. So most of the sperm doesn’t make it. Some get stuck, some die, some get lost (we’ve all heard jokes about that). In a fertile couple a small number of sperm in the tube is all that’s needed. By doing insemination (intrauterine insemination that is), we are playing a numbers game. More sperm are getting to the tube, so if one doesn’t do it, maybe the next one will.

This makes a lot of sense for us. Brandon has a great count and motility rates. The shape aren't great but that doesn't mean that they can't penetrate the egg (see below). Our issue (I think) is that the 1% that do make it aren't the greatest quality. But if we increase the number of sperm that actually make it to the uterus our odds of a good quality sperm making it are higher.

If we have a man with good counts, good motility and low morphology, we do not recommend IVF with ICSI. We will treat him as if there is not a problem (because we don’t think there is one) and allow the couple to do insemination. If they do go on to IVF, we do not perform ICSI, and the eggs fertilize just fine. Of course, we would not follow this plan if the counts or motility were very low. And we at times have exceptions. Other clinics do things differently. Sometimes its because other places have found that they need to do ICSI to get good fertilization rates in their patients with low morphology. I can’t speak for the techniques of other offices, but you should know things are done differently in different places. As with all of my entries, don’t change any of your treatment plans without speaking to your doctor first.

The Sperm morphology myth

This week I saw a couple who were told the reason they were not getting pregnant was “bad morphology”. The sperm, they were told, could not penetrate the egg because of the abnormal shape of the sperm. Because of this, they would need to go directly to in vitro fertilization with ICSI. This was in spite of the fact that they were young, had normal hormone levels and open tubes (sound familiar??!).

I’ll tell you what I told them.When we test sperm (the semen analysis) we look at a few different parameters. First is the volume, which should be 2cc or higher (Brandon's is perfect). Second is the count. This is the number of sperm per cc, so it’s technically a measure of the sperm concentration. This should be 20 million per cc or higher. The average is around 35 million (Brandon's was above that). Next is the motility: the percentage of sperm moving. Should be 50%, most normal samples are not much higher (Brandon's was normal) . And then there is the morphology: the percentage of sperm normally shaped. This should be 14% or higher. The average is 2-6%, but why? The original guidelines for sperm parameters, from the WHO, stated normal morphology should be 30%. Then about 20 years ago, Dr. Kruger came out and said we really need to be looking more carefully at sperm shapes. If we are really careful we will see that there are more abnormal sperm than we think, and the cutoff should be 14%. He called his classification "strict criteria". He also said that by being more careful we could better identify the men who are infertile due to badly shaped sperm. This all sounded well so the andrologists (the people who do your sperm test) started looking harder, and harder, and harder. They now deduct for every sperm that does not look perfect. So over the past 20 years, the andrologists have been getting pickier and pickier, and now a man is lucky if his morphology is over 5%, and almost everyone is less than 14%.Obviously this has all gone too far. We are telling almost all men that their sperm is abnormal, and that just can’t be. The fact is we do not know what a normal sperm looks like.

So all in all, IUI is not an unreasonable option for us! Feeling much better about it! 17 days until our appointment with Dr. B. And Brandon goes in on November 1st to do another semen analysis (11:00-reminder to me). So we will know more about what we are dealing with then! :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Nathan's first haircut!

A before picture of the front. Taken a couple weeks ago.
A before picture of the back.
Getting ready for the haircut! We tried to sit him in a booster seat but he wasn't having it! Grandma ended up holding him.
Here he is saying "Pick me up, please."
First snips!
After picture of the front! So cute! He looks so much older now. I cried. :(
After picture of the back.

We took my little brothers and Nathan to Chuck E. Cheese afterwards.
Hello?!

Such a little ham!
He had fun with this game.


Playing back at home. A good side-view of his hair.
He has learned to open the gates.
Getting so tall!
Can I come in, Mom?
All in all it went well. Nathan did great and didn't cry at all. I cried mostly because it was just sad to see him looking so grown-up. But it is done now and I think he looks cute. Can't wait for Brandon to see it!



Sunday, October 12, 2008

Letter to my seventeen month old boy..

Dear Nathan,

October has arrived! Nights are slowly getting cooler. The days are still warm though. October is one of my favorite times of year. Leaves are just starting to change. Such pretty colors already!

You are such a toddler now! You have learned to climb on everything! You are now able to climb on the couch by yourself. You climb from the couch to the table to scare Mama! You love being outside. We go to the park a lot and you enjoy going down the slides. You love it when Mama pushes you in the swing. You have learned to say "cookie". Although it comes out as "cook". It is cute. You go to the pantry and scream "cook". Speaking of screaming, you are truly testing our patience lately. Anything that you don't like, you scream your head off. Crying and throwing yourself on the ground happens at least 100 times a day. This week it has multiplied by a million because you are teething. You are getting three or four of your back molars in. Very stressful around here. I love you all the same though! On to more positive things, you really like spending time with Grandma! You light up when she walks through the door. You are so sweet. Halloween is coming up! We probably won't go trick or treating because you really don't understand that process yet. We have decided to have you go as a "punk rocker". Mama got you a cool shirt and we are going to put your hair in a mohawk! Speaking of hair, Mama and Grandma are taking you to get it cut this week! I am really nervous but I realized that it is probably time. It is getting in your eyes and you hate for Mama to fix it.

And so sweet boy, you are almost one and a half! Where does the time go?! We are looking forward to spending the holidays with you this year. And even though you are throwing yet another tantrum as I type this, I still love you with all my being.

Hugs and kisses,

Mama

Saturday, October 11, 2008

9

Cycle 9 is upon us. Overall feeling kinda crappy about it today. But it will all be ok.

We have a plan. We have a plan. We have a plan. I just keep repeating that to myself over and over. It helps.

Thanks for all your support!