So this is love...

February update

2012-02-17T14:00:00.003-05:00

I have been so busy it has been insane. I can't even begin to relate how little free time I have right now.

School is going good. I'm taking two very difficult classes right now. Advanced pathophysiology and biostatistics. So far, I'm doing really well. My classes are broken up into 8 week sections right now so it is A LOT of information to learn in 8 weeks. My pathophysiology class covers the entire book (the WHOLE thing) in that 8 weeks. So, I have to study a lot. But my grades are pretty awesome right now. I'm maintaining As and I'm really proud of how I'm doing.

Work is also going good. My Labor and Delivery job is amazing. I really enjoy going and I love the people I work with. I learn a lot while I'm there and have got some great experience for my future. I have been working a lot (almost full-time status) so I'm dropping my hours back a little bit in the next schedule. My infusion job is still going good. I'm dropping back those hours too, just so I can spend more time with Brandon. We hardly see each other anymore between work and my studying. So I'm looking forward to March when my schedule changes.

My running has slowed down a lot. Mainly because I just don't have time and it is so cold! Although I have been getting to the gym about twice a week to run on the treadmill. So that is something I guess. I'll appreicate the warmer weather this spring to be outside running again.

The kids are doing wonderful. Nathan is kicking butt in school and learning a lot. He has a field trip to the fire station next week. He is really looking forward to it! Gavin is talking up a storm and has got to be some sort of child genius or something (I'm kidding, but seriously, he is pretty smart). Kai-bear is doing well too. He had his consult with First Steps and qualifies for speech services. We are so thankful because he will be seeing Nathan's speech therapists! We missed seeing them, so it will be nice to have them back in our lives. First Steps doesn't actually think that Kai has the same issues that Nathan has. Kai's issues are more related to the fact that he couldn't hear for so long (read back about Kai's tubes in his ears) and he has low muscle tone in his core muscles which is effecting his diaphragm and speech pattern.

Brandon is doing good (I assume, because I never see him). We have a date weekend coming up in April. We are going to Chicago for the weekend to get away and to visit some friends. I am counting down the days because I kinda miss being his wife.

So I think that is everything. My poor neglected blog. I so wish that I had the time to devote to it again (don't even get me started on my poor neglected scrapbooks).

Letters to my two year old boys

2012-01-12T13:31:00.000-05:00

Dear Gavin,

You are two years old today! Two years ago I was holding you for the very first time. It is hard to believe that time has gone by so quickly. It has been a pretty difficult two years, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

You are 36.5 inches tall and weigh 29lbs. You amaze me every single day with how much you know and how much you are talking. You communicate with us so easily and you know way too many words to count. We have even got some 4-5 word sentences out of you. You are so smart. And so kind. You love cuddling with us and playing with your big brother. You have a really sweet spirit. You are mostly gentle and have the sweetest smile. Tonight is your second birthday party. We are having a Dora theme because you and Kai love Dora. You ask me all the time "Mama...I wanna watch Dora. Dora!!" It is sweet. This has been such a busy month for us. You had to go to the emergency room because you were so sick. You ran a fever of over 104 and had to go get IV fluids. I was so proud of you for being such a big boy while they were doing all the tests. You just held on to me so tightly. I hated seeing you in pain. On a happier note, Christmas was really fun this year. You enjoyed spending time with family and opening presents. You got all sorts of toys! In other news, you may be getting close to potty training. You have shown more interest in it the past few weeks. We will be pretty casual with it for awhile and let you lead the way.

So 2 years old now! This ends my monthly letters to you sweet boy. I'm really lucky to be your mom, Gavin. It think you are an amazing kid and I'm happy to know you.

Love always,

Mama

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Dear Kai,

Happy birthday sweetheart! You are two years old today! Time has just flown by this past year. It has gotten so much easier since your first birthday!

You are getting so big and tall. You are 37 inches tall and weigh 29lbs. You are talking more and more, but it is hard to recognize the words that you are saying. We have our consultation with first steps later this month. Hopefully you will qualify for speech services so that we can get you on the right track. I will say this though Kai-bear, you have the sweetest laugh and give the best hugs and kisses. You tell me that you love me all the time. It melts my heart. If only you were so kind to your brothers! Your new favorite thing is pinching. We have been working on that one! You are still a pretty picky eater although you are getting better each day. I know you will eat well tonight at least! We are having your second birthday party tonight and we are having a Dora cake! Your Aunt Ally made it for you and Gavin because you love Dora. That is one of your words that we understand with no problems! We had a busy month with Christmas and everything. You loved opening presents and watching Christmas movies. It was really sweet to see you interact with our family. You are a sweet boy Kai-bear. Everyone loves to snuggle you and rub your hair. You have the most gorgeous curls. I don't want to cut them! Since you are 2 now, this ends my monthly letters to you. I'll switch to every 6 months now. It has been an amazing two years.

My sweet tiny little 7lb baby is 2 years old! Where does time go?! I love you so much Kai. You are an awesome little boy and I'm so proud to be your mom. Happy birthday sweetie.

Love,

Mama

2012 Resolutions

2012-01-01T18:52:00.003-05:00

1. Kick ass in school!! Classes start in 2 days! I'm nervous and excited. More nervous. I just want to do well.

2. Maintain my weight loss and fitness level.

3. Complete another 5K with a better time.

4. Go on date-nights with Brandon at least once a month! This is so important for our sanity.

5. Be a better friend. Spend more time working on my friendships.

Update to last year's resolutions!

2012-01-01T18:47:00.002-05:00

My New Year's Resolutions post from the beginning of 2011, is seen here.

So how did I do?

1. Finish my Couch to 5K program and run a 5K! I did it!! I ran 2 5Ks this year!

2. Lose 5 more lbs and maintain my weight loss. I actually lost about 15 and have maintained it!

3. Encourage healthy sleeping habits for the babies. (Which basically means....GET THEM TO SLEEP AT SOME POINT THIS YEAR!!) Done! Everyone is sleeping! Life is wonderful with sleep.

4. Get caught up with scrapbooking. I am exactly a year behind because of the babies' arrival. I am planning on working on the books one day a week and I'm also going to attend scrapbooking workshops around town. I love going to those and now I can finally be away from the babies for several hours at a time. I didn't do so well at this. I'm still about a year behind. Life gets in the way sometimes.

5. Sometime this year, I will be going back to work! I want to get a great job that I enjoy going to. I have two!! I enjoy my infusion job and my Labor and Delivery job. I'm a better mom and wife when working!

Update to the magnet adventure

2011-12-23T14:43:00.003-05:00

My first post on this subject is seen here.

Nathan had his follow-up endoscopy on Wednesday. He did amazing and was such a good boy the entire day. It was stressful for us because I've been dreading this day for months. However, Nathan is going to be just fine! The ulcers that were there three months ago, are no longer present. The GI specialist said that the magnet most likely caused additional acid in the stomach and the ulcers formed after that. But now, his system looks fine and there is no follow-up needed. The minute the doctor left the room, I burst into tears. The weight of that anxiety has been heavy over these past few months. So glad that all is well.

Letters to my boys...

2011-12-12T14:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Gavin,

December is here and you are 23 months old. Only one month left until your second birthday. This year has gone by so quickly! Christmas is nearly here and I'm so excited to spend this time of year with you.

You are loving the tree this year. Although you do want to throw things at it from time to time. Overall, you have been very good with it. You thought it was so fun to put the ornaments on. You are getting so big. Talking up a storm and completing sentences left and right. You are really good about asking for what you want. You have progressed so far in such a short amount of time. You are really loving Dora the Explorer right now and I'm so excited for you to get some of your Christmas presents. You have been doing great with the sitter while Mama is at work. You seem to be opening up toward more people now. You are still a pretty good eater. You will eat pretty much anything we put in front of you. You sleep well, although you've had two ear infections so far this season, so we are constantly on the look-out for that. You seem to be nearly ready for potty training. You have been telling us when you are wet or dirty. I'm going to give it a little while and then we will start with you. I can't believe how big you are.

Merry Christmas my sweetheart. In our family, we celebrate Christmas with giving and spending the day with our families. I love you so much!

Always,

Mama

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Dear Kai,

Christmas is right around the corner Kai! You are 23 months old today. I can't believe that you will be two next month. This year has gone by so quickly.

You loved putting up the tree this year. Although you think it is fun to run into the tree at full-speed, overall you have done well. Next week we are going to see Santa. I am curious as to what your reaction will be. You tend to be a Mama's boy and stick pretty close to me. You give the best snuggles. So far this season, your tubes in your ears seem to be helped. Gavin has had two ear infections and you haven't had any. I'm glad that you aren't in pain anymore. You are still a very picky eater, although we have recently discovered that you will eat anything if you have some Ketchup to dip it in. You think Ketchup is awesome! You seem to be doing really well with the sitter when she watches you while I work. You are slowly talking more and more, but after the new year we will be contacting First Steps to see about speech therapy. Hopefully that will help you. I'm really looking forward to Christmas with you Kai-bear.

I love you always,

Mama

Nathan can draw!

2011-11-29T13:47:00.003-05:00

A picture of "My family" drawn by Nathan Cole. I love him.

Letters to my boys...

2011-11-14T09:37:00.003-05:00

Dear Nathan,

Hello sweetheart! You are 4 and a half years old today! So much has changed since your last letter. You are doing and saying so many things it is hard to keep up!

The new school year has brought about so much change in you. You seem so much more mature and can stay calm about more things now. It is easy to take you someplace because your behavior has improved 100%. You have learned so much with school. You are writing your name perfectly and beginning to learn how to recognize words. Reading will be right around the corner. I can't wait for that. I'm excited for you to learn. Something new this year is the bus! You love riding the bus. I honestly think it is highlight of your day. You wait patiently with your backpack and hat on while standing at the door. The bus pulls up and you say "Mom! The bus is here. Bye!" And you trot right on out there. It always tugs at my heart a little bit. You are looking so grown-up. Miss Diane says that you are doing very well with school. Your speech has improved greatly and it is hard to tell that you ever had a speech delay at all.

You are 43 inches tall and 38.2 pounds. You seem to grow overnight. You are still loving your "upstairs" bed. You sleep really well and wake up in a good mood every morning. I'll be wishing for these days in the teenage years. You are still a very picky eater. You would rather go hungry than eat something you don't like. Although we have had success with "just take one bite!". You know what you like and you don't like to stray from that.

Gavin and Kai are quickly becoming your best buddies. You all play well together (most of the time) and you are teaching them all sorts of stuff. Like how to eat an Oreo cookie, for example. I'm so happy that you three have each other. It warms my heart to see you play together. You love playing outside! Halloween was a blast this year. You went as Buzz Lightyear and thought it was the greatest thing ever.

You are growing and changing and on your way to 5. Time just flies by and soon you will be in Kindergarten. I love you so much Nathan Cole.

Always,

Mama

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Dear Gavin,

November is here and you are 22 months old! Only 2 months left until your second birthday!

I'm convinced that you are very advanced for your age related to speech and knowledge. You talk all day long and can talk about anything. It surprises us what you know and how much you are paying attention. A new phrase is "I don't want it" or "I don't like it." You even are starting to recognize some colors and shapes. You are just learning so quickly! You love Dora the Explorer and will ask (or demand) to watch it in the morning. You are sleeping well, although you had an ear infection last month. Thankfully we just completed some antibiotics and you seem to be much better. A new thing for you is football! You are so interested in it and love to watch it on TV. It cracks us up when you ask to watch it. Now, if only the Colts weren't doing so poorly this year...but that's another topic for another day. Halloween was very fun this year. I was so surprised that you did so well! You marched up to each house and held out your bucket. It was a great time! You really enjoyed it. You went as Thing 1 and Kai went as Thing 2. We got so many compliments on your costumes. You both looked adorable.

I love you so much Gavy!

Always,

Mama

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Dear Kai,

Hello sweetie! You are 22 months old. November has arrived and the colder weather is coming. Thankfully we have had a nice fall so we have been able to get outside alot.

You are doing better with speaking this month! Still a little behind, but overall, you have improved. I will still be making a call to get you evaluated after the holidays, but we are working with you now too. You and Gavin were sick this past month, so we just completed a round of antibiotics. Your tubes in your ears are working well, because Gavin had an ear infection and you didn't. I'm so glad we did that. You are sleeping much better since completing the antibiotics. Halloween was really fun this year. You amazed me with how well you did. You pulled me up to each house and stuck out your bucket for candy. You thought it was so fun! You went as Thing 2 and Gavin was Thing 1. We got so many comments on your costumes because you looked so cute!! We have discovered a new food that you like. You ate almost all of Daddy's tomato yesterday. It was so funny! You just kept asking for more.

Only 2 months left until your second birthday! And Thanksgiving is coming. I'm excited for this time of year. I love you Kai-bear.

Always,

Mama

Dear Amanda,

2011-11-10T13:52:00.002-05:00

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to the master’s component of the graduate program at the University of Cincinnati’s College of Nursing for Winter 2012.

:) I'm excited!

Now I'm just waiting on Georgetown and then I will make my choice. Although Georgetown has informed me that they no longer offer the full-time CNM program, so it won't take 18 months. It will take 2 years as I will have to go part-time. So that changes things a little bit. I'm now back to leaning toward the University of Cincinnati due to cost. Either way, in about two months time I will be back in school!

Another application submitted

2011-11-04T13:47:00.004-04:00

Originally I had planned on only applying to one school for my master's degree. However, when it came down to it, I decided to have a back-up plan in case I didn't get accepted or something. However, now it seems that the back-up school has moved into being my first choice school. And I'm all confused. I submitted my application for Georgetown University in Washington D.C. on Wednesday.

Georgetown:
Ranked as the number 1 distance learning CNM program in the country. Number 2 distance learning master's program.
I would be done with my degree in 18 months.
Georgetown allows dual degrees in both midwifery and women's health nurse practitioner.
The downside? It costs over twice as much as University of Cincinnati.

University of Cincinnati:
Lower cost
Lower ranking program
No dual degree
Degree would take 2.5 years.

I have a lot to think about. Although right now, I am just in the waiting phase. Waiting to hear back from both schools about whether or not I've been accepted. After that, I imagine it will be more waiting to see about the financial aid offered.

I'll keep you updated!

Happy Halloween!

2011-11-01T08:46:00.004-04:00

Gavin and Kai as Thing 1 and Thing 2! They got so many comments as we were walking around the neighborhood. They did great with Trick or Treating. Walked up to each house and held out their bucket. Said "bye!" before leaving every house.
Nathan as Buzz Lightyear. I asked him a month ago what he wanted to be for Halloween. He said: "I want to be Buzz and I want a purple bucket." So that's what he was! He really enjoyed Trick or Treating. Although after the first hour, we came back home to hand out candy because it was getting cold out. Nathan enjoyed this part even more! He stood by the door and said "Mom! I see a princess, a frog, and Mario coming! Get the candy!" He loved it. Said "Happy Halloween" and "I love your costume" to everyone. Adorable kid.

Update on our parent teacher conference

2011-10-24T13:47:00.002-04:00

It went really, really well!

Nathan's teacher and speech therapist were there. They are both so sweet and it is obvious that they really care for him. His teacher told us that Nathan was doing much better in class. He has some friends that he plays with and is overall doing very well. They are impressed with his writing and how far his speech has come.

His teacher and speech therapist both agree that they don't think that Nathan fits very well under the Mild Autism label either. However at this point, we aren't sure what else to call it because Mild Autism covers a lot of Nathan's issues. However, some of the main markers for Mild Autism are missing (lack of social skills, eye contact, affection, etc) in Nathan.

So the plan is this:

Right now, Nathan is on track 100% to go to Kindergarten next year (yay!). He meets all the required milestones at this point. His teacher actually thinks that Nathan will thrive in Kindergarten because they have a more defined schedule (something that Nathan really likes). So we are going to keep the Mild Autism label for the remainder of this year to allow Nathan to get speech therapy in class. We are going to have him reevaluated after a couple of months in Kindergarten to make sure that he is fully caught up to his peers. If at that time, he is caught up and doing well in the Kindergarten setting, they will remove the label and Nathan will just be a regular kiddo going to Kindergarten. If he isn't doing well in class, we will reevaluate and attempt to get another diagnosis label so that speech therapy can be given.

All in all, I'm happy with the where things are at. He is going well in class. The teachers are communicating well with me about his progress. He is on track to go to Kindergarten next year. And he has shown remarkable progress. He is such an awesome and amazing kid.

The boys in their playhouse!

2011-10-17T09:36:00.003-04:00

Parent teacher conference tomorrow

2011-10-17T09:25:00.004-04:00

And I'm so nervous.

Nathan is making so much progress. So much. He has blossomed. And if you remember from this post, I'm planning on rejecting the Mild Autism Disorder label given to him last year. From everything I know about Nathan, I just feel that it is not accurate. So I will update after our conference. Hopefully she has good things to say.

Letters to my sons

2011-10-12T14:56:00.003-04:00

Dear Gavin,

You are 21 months old! 2 is getting closer by the day!

Halloween is right around the corner. We are trying to figure out what you should be for Halloween. I was thinking a ladybug, because you love a certain ladybug in one of our books that we read. You scream out "bug!!!" whenever we turn the page. It is adorable. Not much has changed since last month. You are learning more words and phrases by the day. Your newest phrase is "I fall down". Then you demand for me to kiss your "boo-boo". It is cute. We are getting ready to take our fall family pictures. I hope it goes well. You and Kai don't seem to like picture taking so much right now! You are still my adventurous eater. Today you had cheese ravioli and shrimp scampi! You love pretty much everything and will follow me around saying "bite!" over and over. Even while your mouth is full of food. Cracks us up. All is well with you sweet boy. I love you.

Mama

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Dear Kai,

21 months! I can't believe it! October is here and our family pictures are coming up. Hopefully you boys cooperate.

You are slowly saying more things. I got the words "love you" out of you last night. It was so sweet. You are my little sweetie lately. Always giving hugs and kisses and cuddles. Today for nap, you cuddled right up to me and fell asleep. It was so nice. I think you have just been missing me because I've been away a lot for work. You've made the adjustment nicely, but I can tell you are glad to see me when I get home. You are always waiting by the door and jumping up and down when I come in the door. I immediately pick you up and you grab onto my neck so tight! It warms my heart. You have such a kind and sweet spirit Kai. I wonder all the time what you will be when you grow up. I just want you to be as happy as you are now, no matter what you are doing. Nothing makes my day like a Kai-bear smile.

Love,

Mama

Some new pictures

2011-10-03T09:09:00.004-04:00

Me and my hubby

Gavin and Grandma
Mama and Kai
Nathan and Will (my nephew) attacking Uncle Tommy (my brother) while Gavin tries to throw a ball at them all. We have lots of boys in our family. It gets crazy!

6.2

2011-10-03T08:58:00.002-04:00

I ran for 6.2 miles yesterday. A 10K! It feels weird to type it. Considering where I started, I'm amazed at my progress. I set my sights on a 5K many months ago and now I can run twice that. It was a good run. I won't lie and say that it was easy. Those last two miles were especially tough. My joints were sore and my body was tired. But oddly enough, I had no problems breathing and I didn't feel like I was about to die or anything (a common trend among some of my runs). I feel really good about where I'm at and I don't think that I will try to up my distance right now. I'm going to work on maintaining my current level. I'm also going to work on more strength training. My weight hasn't changed much and I'm thinking that I've hit my healthy point. I'm happy with where I'm at (for like the first time ever).

The great magnet adventure

2011-09-29T14:44:00.003-04:00

My sweet boy Nathan Cole has had a rough go of it these past few weeks. Here is the timeline of what when down at our house:

September 11th- Nathan was playing with two heavy duty magnets on our fridge. We turn our backs for a second and Nathan comes running up to us holding one magnet and grabbing his belly. He says "My throat hurts" and then "My belly hurts". We asked him if he swallowed the magnet and he says "Yes". Off we go to the local ER. They do an X-ray and say that the magnet is in his stomach and it should pass in a few days.

September 16th, 1:00am- Brandon hears Nathan vomiting his bed. Brandon comes to get me and we agree that we should probably take him back to the ER because we are worried that the magnet still hasn't passed and now we are freaking out thinking that the magnet is causing the vomiting. Brandon takes him to the local ER while I stay home with the twins.

September 16th, 3:00am- Brandon calls me and says that the new X-ray shows that the magnet has not moved from his stomach. The ER doctor is concerned that it hasn't moved in 5 days and suggests that we transfer Nathan to the children's hospital for further evaluation.

September 16th, 5:00am-After waking my mom up and having her drive over to sit with the twins, I am able to join Brandon with Nathan at the local hospital. We are transferred to the children's hospital. We are admitted. All of us are exhausted.

September 16th, 8:00am-Another X-ray shows that the magnet is still in the stomach. We meet with the pediatric GI doctor and his team of residents. They show us the X-rays and they tell us that Nathan needs to have endoscopic surgery to remove the magnet. Brandon and I freak out, but agree that the magnet needs to come out.

September 16th, 11:00am- We are taken down to surgery waiting where they give Nathan some Versed to calm him down (they do this for everyone). Nathan is adorable and saying things like "Look at this truck...it has four wheels. Wheeeeeeeeeeeels!" Nathan drifts off to sleep and I lay him down on the gurney so that they can take him to surgery.

September 16th, 12:30pm- Two exhausted, terrified parents wait anxiously in the waiting room as it takes twice as much time as what they said.

September 16th, 1:00pm- The GI doctor comes out to tell us that he could not find the magnet. But he did find some white tissue on the side of his small intestines that he took a biopsy of. He orders another X-ray to see where the magnet is now.

September 16th, 2:00pm- We finally get to see our baby boy in the recovery room. He is sleeping and I am crying looking at him all hooked up to monitors and IVs.

September 16th, 3:00pm- Secondary X-ray shows that the magnet finally moved! The GI doctor thinks that the anesthesia relaxed the smooth muscle of his stomach and allowed the magnet to pass through. He seems confident that the magnet will pass on its own. We are told to watch his poop to find the magnet (the joys of being a parent). We are discharged and head home with our sweet boy.

September 21st- Magnet is OUT!! We jump around like idiots and are thrilled!

September 23rd- The GI doctor calls to ask about Nathan's status. I should have known something was up when I heard his voice. Doctors just don't make those follow-up phone calls. Anyway, he tells us that the white tissue biopsy came back and it turns out Nathan has ulcers. He wants Nathan to have bloodwork to measure his Gastrin (hormone that controls the production of stomach acid) level and for him to start Prilosec. He also wants him to have another endoscopy at the end of December to be sure that the ulcers are resolved. This is all well and good except Brandon and I immediately panic. We are so terrified that Nathan has Crohn's disease. My mother-in-law has it and we are just scared to death. So now, I get to worry frantically for the next three months.

Letters to my sons

2011-09-12T14:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Gavin,

September is here! You are 20 months old today!

Not much has changed since my letter to you last month. You are saying more and more words every day and starting to string small sentences together. "I do it" and "I found it" are common phrases heard around here. Life has been incredibly busy now that I am back to work. You have made the adjustment beautifully though. I really miss you during the day but it is so nice to come home to your smiling face. I'm only working a couple of days a week but it still seems like forever. You are beginning to use forks and spoons better now. You seem to be getting the hang of that. You really love going shopping with me. I put you in the cart and you say "hi" to everyone that passes you. Such a sweet boy! Sleep is still going well and you continue to take one nap a day. You eat pretty much anything that we give you. A recent favorite of yours is pulled pork. You really love it!

Getting so big, sweet boy! Just 4 months left until you are two!! I can't believe it. I love you so much!

Always,

Mama

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Dear Kai,

Fall is nearly here and you are 20 months old today!

Life hasn't really changed much since our last letter to you. You are still slow to talk, although you've started to use more signs. I'm thinking that we will probably have you evaluated for speech soon. I have a feeling that you will take after your big brother Nathan and be a slow talker. That's ok though sweet boy! You are still Mama's cuddlebug. I've been worried about how you would adjust to the changes after I went back to work, but so far you have done wonderfully! You really like the sitter and we've had no problems. Thankfully I only work a couple of days a week now. I sure do miss you when I'm gone. Speaking of your big brother, I think you are going to take after his picky eating too. You don't really like trying new foods and tend to stick with your favorites. We are slowly working on it, but I have a feeling that you may have some sensory issues like Nathan too. Hopefully we can address those when we get you evaluated for speech. But I'll love you no matter what, Kai-bear.

I can't believe you are 4 months away from being two! Time has just flown by! Soon it will be time for our fall family pictures.

Love you,

Mama

The next step

2011-09-06T14:00:00.002-04:00

As many of you know, I have been debating for years about going back to school. My original plan from years back was to finish nursing school and immediately return to get my Masters in Nursing and become a certified nurse midwife (CNM). Well, kids and life and everything got in the way and I put that dream on a shelf for awhile. I've posted several times about going back, but I've been really unsure.

However, as of this Thursday, I will have all my paperwork and application turned in to the University of Cincinnati! Their program is just perfect for me. My entire first year will be online, so that I can still be the busy mom that I am. My clinicals will start during my second year. It will take two and a half years to become a CNM. That seems like forever, but I know that it will go by quickly.

I'm excited and nervous and ready! Just hoping that I get accepted!

Pictures from the wedding

2011-09-06T13:46:00.004-04:00

I love this dress. As an aside, it is amazingly different shopping for clothes now. Being a size 8 affords me with a lot more opportunities for fashion. For the first time in my life, I am excited to shop and buy pretty clothes for myself. It feels wonderful. This dress is Nine West from Macy's.
Showing off my ring. I love it! It went with this dress perfectly.
The Music Hall in Cincinnati. It was a wonderfully elegant wedding. The ceremony was the first Jewish wedding I had been to and it was really neat to see all the tradition. I cried through the whole thing!
Brandon and I enjoyed our night away!!

September goals!

2011-09-01T14:19:00.002-04:00

-Run, run, run! I'm currently in week 3 of 10K training. I've gotten a little side tracked as I was waiting for my new shoes to arrive. But they are here! So I can run again! I may repeat week 2 so that I can have a slower build-up. But by the end of this month I would like to be at least halfway through the training program!

-I have been at a standstill with my weight. I haven't gained or lost anything in quite some time. I would like to get back to the losing side of things but I worry I've kinda hit my body's normal, healthy weight. Still though, I have a goal to be 150 pounds. I'm at 153 today, so three pounds needs to come off!

-Finish one month of scrapbooking! I'm going to do this next weekend.

And that is really it for me this month. Starting on the 11th, I will be working for 16 days in a row. I have to do an orientation at my new job and I'm still working weekends too. Gonna be a long month! This weekend, we have a wedding to go to! One of my dear friends from high school is getting married on Saturday and Brandon get a night out! I'm really looking forward to it.

Some pictures of my babies (er...big boys)

2011-08-30T10:06:00.003-04:00

Gavin's hair is getting a little crazy.
Kai is so funny. He always makes this face.
Brotherly love.
My favorite picture of them. They are so cute.
Big boys!!

Gavin's words

2011-08-30T08:48:00.003-04:00

Up
Light
Dora (ha!)
Mama
Dada
more
bite
foot
bye bye
Barney (ha!)
fork
No
Love you
Water

Rejecting the label

2011-08-22T14:48:00.002-04:00

You may remember some of my posts on this but I've pretty much decided that at this year's school case conference for Nathan, I will be rejecting his label of Asperger's syndrome. First, of all, I am positive that he doesn't have Asperger's. Mainly because people with Asperger's have above average intelligence and while Nathan is very smart, he just doesn't exhibit the signs of this. Also, people with Asperger's don't tend to have the language delay that Nathan has.

Asperger's wasn't actually the latest "diagnosis". If you look at my latest post in the Asperger's section, his official diagnosis is Mild Autism disorder. I plan on rejecting this label too. And here's why:

First of all, I am not one of those mothers who thinks that their child is perfect. It is plainly clear that Nathan has speech delays. We've known this from about 18 months (seriously have a look at my letters to Nathan from around that time, I knew something was up) and we got proper therapy and treatment for him. I know that he also has some sensory issues. We've also known this from very early on.

However, I am 100% positive that he does not have Mild Autism Disorder. He exhibits no signs and symptoms of this outside from the speech delay. Nathan doesn't do any sort of repetitive behaviors or flapping. Nathan looks you into the eye when he is talking with you, is capable of conversing in a back and forth manner, and shows affection readily. He responds to his name every time and is extremely social when he gets to know people. All of these things do not add up to Autism in my book. I'm comfortable with his speech delay diagnosis and even now, he has come so far (talking to us in paragraphs and saying things like "Mom, I would like to go outside, I'm going to get my shoes on, please and thank you".) I am not comfortable with the autism diagnosis and I don't think that this is my "mamabear" speaking.

So, I'm hoping that it won't be a battle with the school. I'm looking forward to the conference this year because I'm far more prepared and I understand Nathan better so that I can be a better advocate.

Nathan's first day of school!

2011-08-18T14:50:00.001-04:00

Nathan Cole all ready to go! Today marked the beginning of Nathan's second year of preschool! Thankfully, he is going to the same place with the same teachers and he seems comfortable already. We are lucky that we have such a great school so close by!

Orlando!

2011-08-17T14:18:00.000-04:00

My mom and I went to Orlando, Florida this past week! The trip was a gift for my birthday so that I could see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It was amazing to see that and to spend time with my mom.

Looking down at Hogsmeade. I took around 200 pictures so these are just some of my favorites.
No big deal, just me hanging out at Honeydukes drinking a Butterbeer. :)
Standing in front of Hogwarts!
Me and my mom outside of the Twister ride at Universal Studios. I'm totally rocking a Gryffindor shirt like I'm 12 years old.
For those who don't know, Back to the Future is my favorite movie EVER!

One of the best parts of the trip. Ahhh...
Relaxing at the pool with my Nook.

All in all, it was an awesome trip! I had so much fun and it was nice to get some time away from Mom duty. Although I was very glad to get back to my babies!

Brandon's class reunion

2011-08-14T14:09:00.000-04:00

On Saturday the 13th, Brandon had his 10 year class reunion! We ventured to his home town and his parents watched the boys so that we could go out! We had a great time. It was really nice to see all his old friends and to meet new people. I was a very proud wife that night. It was so easy to see that Brandon was a good friend in high school. He is friendly to everyone which is one of the qualities that attracted me to him in the first place. After the reunion, we headed out to their local town festival Beer Garden. It was so fun!

Letters to my sons

2011-08-12T14:33:00.000-04:00

Dear Gavin,

August has arrived and you are 19 months old today!! Getting to be such a big boy!

This summer has just flown by. Not really much has changed since last month. You are still trying to chat up a storm with us. You are saying things like "light", "book", "diaper", and "water". You've come a long way and we are really starting to understand some of your words. You have been putting on your shoes all by yourself lately. You get them on and go stand by the door because you want to go "bye-bye". It is adorable. This past month has been very busy for us all. Mama started a new job and we found a new sitter for you guys! Her name is Tara and she is really nice. I only work a couple of days a week but it is still great to have someone available to watch you if needed. You do really well when I'm gone whether it is with Tara or your grandparents.

I know this is a short letter, but I feel like I covered everything in the last one! I love you so much sweet boy!

Always,

Mama

-------------------------

Dear Kai,

19 months old today Kai-bear! August is here and you are getting so big!

Not really much has changed in the last month. You are sleeping better all the time and are slowly starting to try to talk to us. We don't understand many words from you yet, but I know that will come with time. I don't know if I have mentioned this or not, but I'm fairly certain that you are going to turn out to be an engineer of some kind. I have never seen a kid so fascinated with figuring out how things work! You love things with moving parts and you could spend hours trying to figure something out. It is really something to see you with a new gadget! Your favorite is the vacuum cleaner. You love removing the hose and reattaching it. You love wrapping the cord around and figuring out how the hinge works. So sweet! In other news, this month has been a bit of a transition for us because Mama went back to work. I only work a couple of days a week, so it has been a relatively smooth change. We hired a new sitter. Her name is Tara and she watches you when I have to work through the week. She is really nice and says that you do well when I'm not there. On the weekends, Daddy watches you while I work in the mornings.

Getting bigger by the day Kai! Although you still have your adorable little run that cracks us up. And you still make your Kai-bear piggy noises that you've made since you were born. I hope that never changes.

Love,

Mama

Update on my running

2011-08-03T15:16:00.001-04:00

So after completing the Couch to 5K, I thought about trying to train for a half-marathon in October. I figured that I had plenty of time to slowly build up my mileage. However, life got in the way (new job and kids and all of the stuff I talked about in my update post). So I got behind on my running and right now the half-marathon seems unattainable.

So I decided to switch gears and train for a 10K instead. A 10K is is 6.2 miles, which sounds more doable to me right now. I can already run for 5 miles, so this seems like a good stepping stone. I'm starting a new 10K training program today!

Update of sorts

2011-07-26T14:11:00.003-04:00

Things have been INSANE around here!!

Brandon had a week off at the beginning of July, so we spent a lot of family time together and my poor blog was neglected. We went to the pool and the zoo and Brandon and I had a date night. I also went to Chicago for a night to visit a friend! It was nice to get away.

On the 9th a dear friend from high school had her bridal shower and bachelorette party! That was so fun.

Then on the 11th, I started my new job orientation and was swamped with work and kids and the house! I work every weekend so it is hard to find time to blog.

In my free time, I have been trying to sneak in workouts and cleaning. I've only lost around a pound this month, but I've been so busy that many of my runs have been put on the back burner. Thankfully, we are starting to get a routine going and I've been back at it!

August will be even busier! My birthday is on the 8th. Brandon and I are having a date night for that.

Then on the 14th, my mom is taking me to the Harry Potter theme park in Orlando!! It was a surprise for my birthday! Just me and my mom are going for two whole days. I'm so excited.

Then on back to back weekends, both Brandon and I have our high school reunions. It has been 10 years since we graduated.

And in between all of that, there will be more work and kids and Nathan's first day of school!

Been a great summer so far. Just wanted to catch up a little bit!

Letters to my sons

2011-07-12T13:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Gavin,

You are 18 months old today!! A year and a half has just flown by in the blink of an eye. You are getting so big and have transitioned (overnight it seems) into the toddler years.

You climb on everything. If there is a surface that looks remotely fun for you, you climb on it. You have absolutely no fear! You love the chairs and the tables and the counters. You love playing outside and really enjoy playing in the water. We took you to the pool recently and you had so much fun! You are my adventurous eater and will try pretty much anything we give you. Your favorites are pulled pork, mashed potatoes, and blueberries. You have started to prefer using a spoon or fork and you like eating off a plate instead of your high chair tray. You are sleeping through the night and taking one nap a day. Life has certainly calmed down since your early days! Last month we finished nursing and you have made the transition beautifully. I think that it was a perfect time for weaning and am so proud of you for being a big boy!! We also went to the zoo last week when Daddy was off from work. You had fun and really enjoyed seeing all the animals. You hung out in your stroller and were so good! You are wanting to talk so badly. I can make out several words and am hearing more all the time. The sweetest is your little "love you". It melts my heart.

You are on your way to your second birthday now! I can't believe that 18 months have come and gone. You are such an amazing little boy and I love you so much.

Always,

Mama

----------------------

Dear Kai,

July is here and it is so hot outside. We are in the middle of a heat wave. You are 18 months old today sweet boy! A year and half and in full-blown toddler-mode.

You have started taking lessons from Gavin in the climbing department. You are learning how to climb on everything. Your favorite thing is to pull the chair over to the light switch and turning the lights on and off. You are such a little innovator. You are constantly trying to figure out how things work and trying to fit things together. It is amazing to watch you figure things out. You could play with the vacuum cleaner for hours. I think you may be an engineer someday. In other news, we have been so busy this past month. We have gone to the children's museum and the zoo and the pool! You love the water but are more reserved. You prefer to be near Mama. Which is right in line with your personality. You are a Mama's boy through and through. You are sleeping through the night now (still very close to me, but sleeping all the same) and taking one nap a day. Last month we went through the weaning process and you have done beautifully. I am so proud of you for taking this change in stride. You are a picky eater, but making progress daily. Your favorites include spaghetti and blueberries. You also love cheese!

You are growing up so quickly now, Kai-bear. I can't believe you are one and a half! On your way to your second birthday already. I love you so much and that will never change.

Always,

Mama

Update on my June goals

2011-06-30T14:12:00.002-04:00

Now that the month is nearly over, it is time to evaluate my goals and see how well I did this month!!

-I want to run at least 10 miles a week. By the end of June, I would like to be able to run for 5 miles at a time. I think this is a pretty good goal. Last week was the first time that I ran for 4 miles, so I think that a goal of 5 miles is totally reasonable. I did awesome at this! I did at least 10 miles a week, and last week, I hit 12 miles. I haven't ran for 5 miles yet, but that is on the schedule for today!

-Rock my next 5K! I want to beat my last 5K time of 40:10. My next race is this weekend June 4th!! I'm excited because it is in my town so I don't have to get up so early! I'm ready to do it! I did really well at my 5K on June 4th. I cut 3 minutes off my previous time! I don't have a race on the schedule right now, but I'm looking at another 5K on July 16th.

-I've been sticking very closely to my half-marathon training plan, so I'd like to keep that up! I do Pilates or Kettlebells on off days. So I'm going to stick to that for the month of June. I have stuck pretty close to my half-marathon training plan. I'm going a bit slower than I would like, but building my mileage up is hard work!

-I would like to weigh 155 by June 30th. This may be a lofty goal actually. I didn't do very well on my diet over Memorial Day (damn you Red Velvet Cake), so I gained two pounds (although this could be fluctuation too because my weight likes to yo-yo from day to day). Either way, I was at 158 this morning, so I've got 3 pounds to lose this month! I rocked this goal! I was at 153.8 this morning! Which means I lost 4.2 pounds this month!

-I want to continue tracking my calories and control my portions. This has become such a habit now and I've been doing really well.

Non-health related:

-I want to get last Summer completely scrapbooked. I am about a year behind and would like to slowly get caught up. I didn't do so great with this. It was hard to dedicate my time to sitting down this month. It seemed like I was always busy.

-Now that Nathan is out of school, I would like to do 3 trips a week with the kids. Either to the park, pool, or to visit Grandma. I helps for us to get out of the house and break the monotony. Daily (for nice days) walks are also in the plan. We've done this for sure! We've gone to the Children's museum and to visit my mom and the park. We've been outside every day we possibly could.

-Stick to my cleaning schedule so that the house stays somewhat nice. House is clean! I've been doing pretty well at keeping up.

-Continue my long and depressing job search. I actually have an interview this Saturday afternoon, so I'm hoping that goes well. We shall see! Job search is OVER! I have a new job and I start on July 11th!

All in all it was a great month. I'm happy with my work-out schedule and my weight loss. Kids are doing well and I'm enjoying the summer. Coming soon: a list of goals for July!

Blog under construction.

2011-06-22T18:16:00.001-04:00

My longest run

2011-06-18T11:39:00.002-04:00

I ran for 4.5 miles today! One hour total of running!

I felt great for the entire time. In fact, my last mile was much faster than my first.

My legs were achy but overall I felt that I could have kept going beyond that.

I'm no longer a nursing mother

2011-06-17T14:30:00.002-04:00

We made it 17 months.

I'm both sad and happy about this. Sad because it means that my boys are growing up and that I'll never get to nurse another tiny baby. But happy because I did it. I did so much more than what I even thought that I could.

This has not been an easy journey. It started here. At not even 2 months into nursing these babies, I was doubting my ability and will to keep going. I spent 8-10 hours of my day nursing back then. All day, around the clock. It was in that post that I expressed my feelings of pain and frustration while nursing. But I also committed myself to nursing for one year.

I had to tell myself daily to keep going back then. I cried through nearly every feeding. After months of struggle, I learned about D-MER and I could relate that to what I was experiencing. For those who don't know, D-MER is dysphoric milk ejection reflex. More common among twin moms, it basically explains my sadness and feelings of hopelessness and restlessness while nursing. I did not have this issue with Nathan, but did with the twins because I was experiencing two let-downs at once.

It was up and down for the following months. Rare moments of peace and a lot of tears (mine and the babies). But I persevered because I had to. We tried bottles of pumped milk and they weren't impressed.

After two rounds of thrush and two rounds of mastitis, I was sure that I would quit. But I didn't. I kept going.

At a year, I celebrated. I had made it to my goal. I felt amazing. I felt so proud of the amount of work that I had put in over the past year. I agreed to start the weaning process.

Weaning was slow-going. I began by dropping one feeding every month. I knew the process would take awhile as they were nursing 6 times a day at a year.

I pushed through. One by one the feedings decreased and I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

On Sunday, June 12th, I nursed the babies for the last time. I sat down to feed them and I hit me how big they were. I just felt done. It was like a switch had been flipped and I allowed myself to be honest. I was just done. I kissed their heads and told them I loved them. I breathed them in one last time and watched their sleepy faces as they looked up at me.

It has been four days. They are doing great and I don't even think they really notice. I really have to thank my husband for being so supportive. He has held my hand through hours of feedings and let me cry on his shoulder when it just got to be too much. I wouldn't have made it without his support.

As I close the book on my nursing journey, I feel happy. I'm so proud that I have done this for my babies.

Letters to my sons

2011-06-12T14:19:00.000-04:00

Dear Gavin,

17 months old now! June is here and it has been so hot! We have been outside a lot lately. We are definitely enjoying the summer so far.

17 months old and you are chatting up a storm! Granted, only I can understand what you are saying, but it is adorable. You've gotten several teeth in this past month. Although getting teeth doesn't seem to bother you as much. We've also started to give you some juice. You love it. You smack your lips together and down it in seconds. You love the book "Little Blue Truck". We read it every night and you are starting to get the hang of some of the motions we do. It is fun to see you so interested in books and reading. You love playing outside in the pool. You love going to the park. You look way too small to be doing some of the things you are doing! You can climb up the ladder and go down the slide all by yourself. It nearly gave me a heart attack the first time I saw you do it. You run all around with Nathan and you think that you are 3 years old or something. It is adorable. You love it when we go on walks around the neighborhood. You ride in the stroller with Kai and you both are so content. You are still a Daddy's boy. The minute he gets home from work, you are in his arms. It makes my heart smile to see that. You are pointing to all the people in our family now! I'll say "Where's Nathan?" and you point straight to him and say "There!".

Tonight was your last nursing session sweet boy. I've decided that we need to be done. It is such a hard transition for me, but you will be just fine. We were down to one session right before bed, so we are just going to have to find another way to get you to sleep. We made it 17 months, just you, Kai, and me. This is hard for me because I know that you are growing up and my sweet babies aren't really babies anymore.

I love you so much Gavin.

Mama

----------------------

Dear Kai,

June has arrived and the hot weather has been crazy this month! You are 17 months old now!

You are getting so big Kai-bear. Your personality is so inquisitive and you are constantly trying to figure out how stuff works. You tend to play on your own and prefer the quiet. You love playing outside in the pool. You take cups of water and pour them over the ground. You love getting dirty and muddy. You have learned how to go up the ladder and down the slide. You also like to scare mama by leaping into my arms from the top of the playset. You are a picky eater and you know what you like. If you don't like it it ends up on the floor. You have learned that throwing things is fun, so we are working with you on that. You love reading time at the end of the day. You bring me books and sit so contently while I read them. You are mama's boy and you look for me all over the house so that you know where I am. You have gotten several more teeth in and are sleeping so much better at night. You love smiling for pictures and turn on your cute Kai smile whenever I say "Picture". You have adorable expressions. You love going for walks in the stroller. You love cookies. You are pointing to all the people in our family now! I'll say "Where's Gavin?" and you point straight at him.

Tonight was your last nursing session Kai. I'm sad that my babies are growing up and moving on. We were down to once a day, but I realized that I need to be done now. The three of us made it 17 months. I know this will be a transition for you, but it is the right thing to do.

I'll never stop loving you.

Mama

12.5 lbs down!

2011-06-11T11:55:00.002-04:00

My goal for June was 155! .4 pounds to go! I'm so happy!

And these posts are tagged as Biggest Loser. The competition is technically over, but I'm keeping it up!

Park time!

2011-06-10T14:09:00.002-04:00

2nd 5K results

2011-06-08T11:57:00.004-04:00

Finished 31st (small race)

Time: 37:21

Average pace: 12:03

I'm very happy with how I did. And I know I can do even better next time!

The job hunt is OVER!

2011-06-07T17:17:00.002-04:00

I was offered a position today!! It is at an Outpatient Treatment Center. Mostly doing IV therapy and chemotherapy. It is perfect hours, I can choose when I want to work.

I never pictured myself doing something like this, but I'm excited for the change. It will allow me to learn and grow as a nurse while making money for my family. I will also be able to not miss time with my kids because I will be working mostly weekend mornings.

I'm never going back

2011-06-06T14:42:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I bought a bikini.

I haven't worn a bikini in years. For some insane reason, I had it in my head that I didn't deserve to wear one. I was too heavy. Too jiggly. Too soft. Too many stretch marks from carrying three kids. I wasn't worthy of a pretty bikini.

It has three months of work, but I know that I deserve one now. And it isn't just the weight. Sure, that is a big part of it. I graduated college at 185lbs. So I'm almost 30lbs lighter than I was then. During fertility treatments, I went up to 195lbs. At 40 weeks pregnant with twins, I weighed 230lbs. The weight is a big part my journey. But I'm such a different person in other ways too. I'm healthier mentally too. I have more faith in myself now.

I will always have these stretch marks. No one has gained 50lbs in 9 months and doesn't have them. But it is ok. I'm still worthy of wearing a bikini.

And, I'm going to rock it.

My 2nd 5K race!

2011-06-04T09:14:00.006-04:00

I had a great race this morning! It was just starting to get hot, so I was a little slow, but much faster than last time! Brandon had the kids so I didn't have pictures of the start. It started at 8am this morning. This race was really small. Maybe 100 people? But it was fun and well-organized. Although towards the end, I was all alone and I was kinda confused on where to go. And around 1.5 miles, there was another monster hill, but it was ok. I really do have issues running in this heat though. And I've started to have some leg pain on the days of my runs. I'm wondering if I am pushing it too hard. I may scale back my half-marathon training and just try to maintain my current mileage for awhile.
Coming toward the finish!! I see my babies! Brandon brought them to watch me race. Best hubby ever.
Finish line! Look at that time! Almost a whole three minutes better than last time!
Me and my boys. Brandon said they were so good while waiting for me! It was the best feeling ever to see them all waiting for me and clapping.
109 this time!

Goals for the month of June

2011-05-31T08:59:00.003-04:00

Now that the Biggest Loser is over...I WON!!!! :)

I really need to set-up some goals so that I can stay on my path to weight loss and healthier living.

-I want to run at least 10 miles a week. By the end of June, I would like to be able to run for 5 miles at a time. I think this is a pretty good goal. Last week was the first time that I ran for 4 miles, so I think that a goal of 5 miles is totally reasonable.

-Rock my next 5K! I want to beat my last 5K time of 40:10. My next race is this weekend June 4th!! I'm excited because it is in my town so I don't have to get up so early! I'm ready to do it!

-I've been sticking very closely to my half-marathon training plan, so I'd like to keep that up! I do Pilates or Kettlebells on off days. So I'm going to stick to that for the month of June.

-I would like to weigh 155 by June 30th. This may be a lofty goal actually. I didn't do very well on my diet over Memorial Day (damn you Red Velvet Cake), so I gained two pounds (although this could be fluctuation too because my weight likes to yo-yo from day to day). Either way, I was at 158 this morning, so I've got 3 pounds to lose this month!

I want to continue tracking my calories and control my portions

Non-health related:

-I want to get last Summer completely scrapbooked. I am about a year behind and would like to slowly get caught up.

-Now that Nathan is out of school, I would like to do 3 trips a week with the kids. Either to the park, pool, or to visit Grandma. I helps for us to get out of the house and break the monotony. Daily (for nice days) walks are also in the plan.

-Stick to my cleaning schedule so that the house stays somewhat nice.

-Continue my long and depressing job search. I actually have an interview this Saturday afternoon, so I'm hoping that goes well. We shall see!

All in all, it will be a busy month! I'll post along the way about my progress and post at the end of June for a wrap-up!

My biggest Loser Results- Also...pictures!!!!

2011-05-27T10:43:00.005-04:00

Before.
After.
The first time I have ever posted a picture of my belly POST-THREE-KIDS-INCLUDING TWINS!! Please don't note the stretch marks. Comes with the territory.

Today is the last day of the Biggest Loser competition!!

I've rocked it. Really. I'm amazed at my results.

I started at 167.8

I'm at 156.2

I've lost 11.6 pounds.

12+ inches from every part of my body.

I'm so much more fit and healthy.

I've lost 5% body fat. And a total of 6.7% of my body weight.

I've gained muscle in every part of my body.

I can run for 4 miles or over 50 minutes without stopping.

I'm in a "normal" BMI for the first time since high school.

I can keep up with my kids.

I watch what I eat without depriving myself.

Whether I win or not...I've done it. Thanks for your support along the way. I feel awesome.

Results are in!

2011-05-24T15:58:00.002-04:00

40:11 finishing time.

12:56 average mile time

700+ people participating

I came in 129th

I was 12th in my age group (20-29 year old women).

Not too shabby for my first race! Sure, I'm slower than a grandma with a walker, but that's ok. I have years to get faster!

My first race!

2011-05-21T11:53:00.007-04:00

Look at me, I'm an official runner! We got to the race early so that I could get an idea of the course and get my race packet. I got the shoe chip all tied down to my shoe. And took a picture (of pretty much everything).
My race number! I felt like a real runner!
Before the race. Ready and nervous.
I was in a goofball kind of mood this morning. Thanks to Brandon for putting up with my silliness and taking all the pictures!
See this? Yeah, this is the hill at the end of the race. You can kinda see it, but the trail zigzags back and forth up this hill. This started at the 3 mile mark, so a whole 10th of a mile! Yeah, this pretty much ruined my time. I'm not sure of my finish time yet, I'm thinking a little over 40 minutes. But this hill was awful. AND...probably 1/4 of a mile was on pea gravel. That is A LOT harder than I expected. Like running on sand.
And we are off! I was pretty wired at the start because it started 15 minutes late. That was annoying.
I was so excited! It was a family event, so there were lots of kids (fast little things).
This is around the 1/2 mile mark. I was feeling pretty good at this point! After about 2 miles and the long ass stretch of pea gravel, I was having a tough time. Mentally, I was tired and hot (76 degrees and sunny) and my legs were hurting. But I kept it up!
3 miles in! Getting ready to start the dreaded hill. This hill was such a mind-game for me. I worried about it the whole race. Next time, I will be looking for a flatter course (even though the race information said it was flat!)
Coming around the last zigzag. I was looking at Brandon and just kept thinking "I can do it. Almost there. He is right there."
Coming towards the finish!! I was so ready to be done! I was cursing this hill.
DONE! I was so tired and so relieved. I went over to Brandon and just sobbed. It was so hard and so tiring. But so worth it. 10 weeks worth of training.
Number 107 is done! My legs were shaking at this point.
I'm a 5K runner now. I came, I did, I got the T-shirt. All in all, I loved the whole experience. I'm already planning my next run because I want to go faster (without hills). I loved the excitement and build-up. I loved running with people and pushing myself. My time isn't published yet, so I will update that when it is. I'm guessing about 40:10. I wanted to finish under 40 and I would have if not for the gravel and that hill. BUT, I did it. I'm proud and ready to get back out there!! Thanks for all the support along the way. It means a lot to me.

On the eve of my first 5K race

2011-05-20T14:01:00.002-04:00

I'm kinda freaking out a little bit.

I'm really nervous! What if I finish last? What if I start out too fast and end up not being able to do it? I have to be there tomorrow at 7:30. Which means we have to leave at 6:30. I've never ran that early before. What if I just can't? These are just a fraction of my worries right now!

Brandon is going with me while my in-laws are keeping the boys. I'm so glad that he will be able to be there. He is going to take pictures and cheer me on.

I'm just hoping to finish under 40 minutes. But honestly, I just want to finish and finish strong. I will update tomorrow!

Week 8 weigh in

2011-05-20T09:17:00.002-04:00

158.2! 9.6lbs down!

There is no one way to parent

2011-05-19T11:52:00.002-04:00

and judgment will get you nowhere. You know, I used to think that I had this parenting thing all figured out. I would do this and this and NOT do this and I would be perfect and everyone else was doing it WRONG. I was a fool.

There honestly is no right way to do this. That has hit me twice this week. Once when I was reading a friend's blog and she was remarking on how people had judged her for her parenting. I panicked thinking that she had felt some sort of judgment from me because we had made different choices in the past. Thankfully all was well and she was commenting about something else entirely. But that honestly had me evaluting my interactions with other mothers. Do I come off as judgmental? I am a very opinionated person obviously. I have a passion for things and they can take over my thinking. But I do not want to come off that way. Not in the least.

And two, someone actually told me that I am selfish for weaning my twins. Are you fucking kidding me?! I posted on a Breastfeeding friendly Facebook page. The question was "What are your current breastfeeding goals?" I remarked about how I was in the process of weaning the babies. I had two more sessions to drop and hoped to be done by 18 months. Someone actually sent me a private message saying that I needed to let the twins decide when they wanted to "self-wean". I was shocked and outraged.

You know what?! There is no right way to do this. Not in the least bit. I say that as long as you are the best parent that you can be and your child is safe, warm, and fed then you are doing a DAMN GOOD JOB. Screw everyone else that casts their judgment upon you. This is ridiculous. If you want to breastfeed, then you should, and I hope that you can find the information and support you need. If you don't or can't, then you know what, it will be ok. My breastfeeding posts may have come off a little strong in the past. I regret that. It took having twins and realizing how really hard this breastfeeding thing really is.

So there is my little rant and self-realization for the day. If I have said or posted anything on this page that has made you feel judged in your parenting: I'm sincerely sorry.

And to the bitch that sent me that private message: you suck.

Spring Family picture!

2011-05-18T09:11:00.001-04:00

We took this last week! I just forgot to post it! Turned out pretty good I think. :) I heart my family.

Nine

2011-05-17T08:59:00.002-04:00

9 lbs down today! Well, 9.2 to be exact. Almost to my goal of a 10lb loss for the Biggest Loser competition! We have a little over 2 weeks left and I think it can be done. It has started to hit me that I need to have an end goal in sight. I'm thinking that a final goal of 150 is a reasonable weight for me. That would give me a BMI of around 22 which is right in the middle of "normal". I'd honestly be happy around 155, so we shall see! Either way, what I am doing is working! :)

Graduate!

2011-05-15T15:39:00.003-04:00

I finally graduated from the Couch to 5K program!! My results have been amazing. I've lost 8lbs (combined with a more sensible diet and cross training) and gained so much endurance. I can run for 40+ minutes now. My miles are pretty slow (around 13minute miles) but I'm slowly getting better. I feel so proud. It was a long and hard 9 weeks. With good runs and bad runs, I pushed through.

Some tips for you beginners out there:

1. Get some good shoes. You will hear this from everybody and their brother, but it is so true. Go to a running store and get some advice from the pros.

2. Put a race on your calendar. Knowing that I have my race to look forward to, I want to push harder and train better!

3. If you have a rough day, your training is not ruined. Brush it off and get back out there next time!

4. Don't run in direct sunlight and 85 degree heat if you aren't used to it. It will end badly. Ask me how I know....

5. You can absolutely do this. Absolutely. I was one of you. I was a huffing and puffing after 1 minute of running in the beginning of this program. Seriously, I thought I was going to croak. But go slow and know that in the end, you will be able to do it! I can't explain the satisifaction of finishing. It feels amazing and I feel free. I'm no longer the inactive person that I once was. I plan my day around working out and running now. I'm fit and I feel it.

So, what is next for me? Well, I have my first race next Saturday! I'm nervous and excited and happy. After that, I'm going to start training for a half-marathon. Insane? Probably so. But I remember in the beginning of the Couch to 5K, I was thinking that 3.1 miles seemed crazy and now? Now it is not so bad. So maybe I really can do more. Along the way, I will have more 5K races and maybe some 10Ks. The sky is the limit for me at this point.

I'm a RUNNER.

Nathan's 4th birthday party!

2011-05-15T12:36:00.008-04:00

Cupcakes for Nathan's big day!!
The weather was perfect! Nathan and his cousins played on the trampoline.
Birthday boy!
Gavin being cute.
Kai being cute.
Nathan blowing out his candle
Showing Kai the fire truck from Uncle Nick!
From Grandma and Grandpa Parker!

Nathan got a bike from Mommy and Daddy!
Safety first.
He loved it. It took him a couple of days to get the hang of the pedals, but he is a pro now!
Daddy trying to teach him.
My big, big boy. Sniff. It was a great day! We had lots of family here to celebrate it.

Letters to my three boys

2011-05-12T22:22:00.000-04:00

Dear Nathan,

Four years ago today I was holding you for the first time! It was so nice to finally see your face after all those months. I can't believe that these four years have gone by so quickly! You've changed so much since your last letter at 3 and 1/2.

School continues to be the best thing ever. You love going! You are learning so much that it is hard to keep up with you sometimes. You now know all the letters of the alphabet (both upper and lowercase). You can sing the alphabet song and you are even starting to write! You can write your name and "mom". You are also learning how to draw things. You love art class at school. You bring home all sorts of paintings and pictures! They go straight to the refridgerator, so we are running out of room up there. You made me the sweetest Mother's Day card. Knowing the alphabet has really opened up your love of books. You love for us to read to you every night. We always have to read "just one more". I hope this love of reading and books continues throughout your life.

You've turned into such a big boy! You are 37lbs and 42 inches tall. You are going to be taller than Mama before we know it! You are now sleeping all on your own too! We got bunk beds for your room and you sleep on the top. You call it your "upstairs bed". You have also become quite the conversationalist. Your speech improves by the day and your vocabulary just keeps growing. You are able to recount your day to me when you get home from school. You always ask about my day too. And you are very interested in how Gavin and Kai's days went. You are a good big brother. You are constantly playing with them and trying to keep them out of trouble. You are big enough to carry them around, so you are constantly pulling them off the couch and fireplace. You even try to put them in "timeout". You are starting to dress yourself and you have opinions on what you want to wear. You like to be comfortable! You hate polo shirts and you aren't a fan of jeans. The minute you get home from school, you change into pajamas. It is really cute.

Four years has come and gone. We had your party tonight. Our friends and family came out to celebrate with you and you had a blast. You got a bike for your birthday! You can't quite figure out the pedals yet, but I think it is just a matter of time. I love you so much Nathan Cole. Happy birthday!

Always,

Mama

---------------------------------------

Dear Gavin,

You are 16 months old today! The weather has been beautiful lately, so it has been so nice for us to get outside! You love playing with the cars and basketball hoop out there!

A lot has changed this month! The biggest change has been your nap routine. I used to hold both you and Kai in my arms for your nap. It was a long two hours for me to sit in the recliner and rock you. I decided to move you to the bed this past month and so far, you are doing great! It is so much easier to get you to sleep and you seem to get better rest that way. Because we aren't sitting in the chair for naps, I have dropped that nursing session. You are down to twice a day now. I'm going to give this routine about a month or so and then we will drop more. In other news, you are our climbing boy! I lose count of the number of times I have to get you off the table. You will climb on anything. I think you like the challenge. You always look so proud of yourself when you get where you were going. You are starting to communicate more to us. You point out things and tell us when you are hungry by pointing to your mouth. You are also starting to do the hand motions to the "Isty Bitsy Spider". It is so sweet! You have been teething and have more teeth than I can count. You are changing so much!

I love you so much Gavin. Your personality makes me smile and you light up my day.

Always,

Mama

--------------------

Dear Kai,

May is here and you are 16 months old now! Now that the weather is nice, we have been spending a lot of time outside. You love playing in the dirt and with the rocks. Typical boy!

A lot has changed this month. Mostly your sleep! Naptime has become a lot easier around here. I've recently started to put you and Gavin to sleep in the bed instead of holding you in the recliner. It has been working wonderfully and I know that you get a lot better sleep! You are also sleeping a bit more at night too! You still wake up a couple of times, but it is so much easier to get you back to sleep. Because we aren't doing nap in the chair anymore, we have dropped another nursing session. You are down to twice a day now. Within the next month or so, we will drop another. You are taking the transition beautifully! You still get a bottle of whole milk, so it really is no big deal to you. In other news, this month you had an ECHO done on your heart. Our doctor kept hearing a murmur and we wanted to get it checked out. Thankfully you did great and the murmur is nothing to be concerned about. You are finally done with teething for awhile! You've got a lot of teeth in there now! Such a toddler.

I love you so much Kai. You have the world's best laugh and you are so sweet.

Always,

Mama

Milestone for mama

2011-05-12T09:05:00.000-04:00

I ran tonight for 3.1 miles. I ran a 5K! I'm honestly so proud of myself. I completed something that I started and put my whole body and heart into it. I won't lie and say it was easy, but I really did it. I got out there in 85 degree heat and ran for 43 minutes (yes, I am so slow, but my feet kept moving). Right before I started to run, I smiled because I knew I was going to do it. In the middle of my first mile (always the hardest for me) I said to myself, "They will have to drag my cold, dead body off this road because I am finishing this."

I cried when I finished. Cheesy? Yes. I just couldn't help it. Such a big hurdle to overcome and I was just so happy that I pushed through.

Celebrate!

2011-05-11T09:21:00.002-04:00

I'm in the 150s!!! *Insert happy dance here* Granted, my weight was 159.8 today but it still counts! Yesssssssssssssssssss!

Broke the 161 mark!

2011-05-10T09:06:00.003-04:00

Finally. I've been stuck there for weeks! I was beginning the think that my scale was going on strike. But, I was 160.8 this morning. Soooooo close to the 150s!

In related news, I start week 9 of the Couch to 5K today! I have kept up with something for 9 weeks! My run today will be 3 miles. 3 long-ass miles. A 5K is equivalent to 3.1 miles (I may just push it to 3.1 so that I can say I ran a 5K today). I'm going to do this!!! I got new music on my iPhone for inspiration. I'll report back later!

And I see from my stats that lots of people are searching for "Couch to 5K blog" and ending up here. If you are reading this message, know that you can absolutely effing (I would drop the f-bomb here, but I don't want to scare my blogreaders, instead I will use effing) do this. It sucks ass in the beginning. And I know people say this all the time but....if I can do this, you can. I never (never-in-a-million-effing-years) thought that I could be a runner. And I am gearing up to run 3 miles today. Seriously. Get your ass out there and rock it.

Normal.

2011-05-09T14:42:00.003-04:00

That's me. I now have a normal BMI! Awesome feeling, even if it is just a number. I am going to be working hard these next few weeks. I'm really watching my calories by keeping a food journal. I'm already working out every day, but I think that I am not estimating my calories correctly. My Biggest Loser competition ends in a little over 3 weeks and I want to finish strong. I also really want to see those 150s!!

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T12:15:00.004-04:00

My beautiful wind-chime from my amazing husband and kids. I love it. It is so pretty! I've had a great day so far. Brandon has cleaned the house and done the laundry and changed all the diapers! Having a great dinner later and just enjoying the day with my family.
Nathan made this for me at school.
And this too. My card from Nathan Cole. So sweet. I love that kid!

8 weeks down!

2011-05-07T16:33:00.003-04:00

I only have one week left of the couch to 5K program! I am running for 2.5 miles each time now. 2 weeks from today is my first race. I'm nervous but so excited! I just keep picturing that finish line. I can do it!

ECHO for toddlers

2011-05-06T14:29:00.004-04:00

Kai had his ECHO today. All in all, it was a smooth experience.

The heart center was in the hospital, so we had to park in a parking garage which didn't accept credit cards (more on this later). We hand in the paperwork that had been mailed to us and Kai and I waited in the lobby. I marveled at how easy it was to only look after one kid for a change (Gavin stayed with Brandon and Nathan went to preschool).

We were called back very quickly. The ECHO room had a giant mural of the Earth painted on one wall (very cool). The technician was so nice and chatted about how cute Kai was (but of course!). He turned on Elmo's world for Kai although he wasn't very interested in it. He allowed me to sit on the table with Kai who was crying at this point. I was nervous that we wouldn't be able to get a good reading because he was so upset. Then I had the stroke of genius to offer to nurse him. Well that did it. He sat on my lap and was quietly nursing the whole time. Granted it was a little strange to have the tech's hand near my boob as he was putting the ultrasound probe over Kai's chest. But it was ok, this guy didn't even bat an eyelash.

Because I was able to get Kai to sit so perfectly, the tech remarked how he had never gotten "such good shots" from a one year old before! The test was over in about 15 minutes. We don't get the results until Monday, but the tech told me that he didn't see anything alarming that he would be notifying the doctor about.

So we pack up and I ask where the nearest ATM was so that I could get money for the parking garage. Turns out that the ATM in the hospital was broken. So I had to pay our parking charge in pennies that I found in the bottom of my purse. It was so funny. The guy in the booth was cracking up.

Do I have the link to your blog?

2011-05-05T13:39:00.001-04:00

If you are a regular reader here, can you link me back to your blog so that I can add it to my list? Thanks!

Getting kinda ticked

2011-05-04T08:24:00.002-04:00

about this weight loss thing. I've gained two pounds since last Friday! I have no idea what is going on. At the same time, I've lost a total of 4% body fat, so I guess I'm gaining muscle? I don't know. Perhaps the three day break from working out did it. I'm hoping my weight goes back down before my weigh-in on Friday.

Injury and interview

2011-05-03T12:07:00.005-04:00

I hurt my back. And I have no idea how I did it or what I've actually done, but it is painful to walk. Therefore, I can't run and I am sad and mad. I hate that I can't get out and run today. My back has hurt for three days so I haven't run since Saturday. I feel lazy. (EDIT: I went and ran anyway today. 2.5 miles. I had to do it.)

In other news, I had my interview this morning. I highly doubt that I got the job considering she talked about a nurse that used to work there. She was hoping that that nurse would come back to this job. So I'm thinking my interview and the others' interviews are merely a formality.

Tip to people who interview: Even if you are interviewing eleventy billion people, don't talk about them. Just end the interview with "You'll hear from me soon." The end. No need to say "Well I'm meeting with countless people this week. I'm just jammed with interviews." That doesn't make me feel good.

All in all, it was a giant waste of time and I'm sure that I'll never hear from them again. Which is sad, because it is a great company and I really wanted the job.

Also, nothing like a crappy job interview to make you want to eat and eat and eat. I want to eat ALL THE THINGS because I'm sad. So I might as well gain all my weight back and be an unemployed lazy slob for the rest of my life.

Yes, I might just be a touch dramatic today.

The Nintendo Room

2011-04-30T19:36:00.006-04:00

View from the door
Brandon's alarm and Nintendo
Gavin's bed
Kai's bed
Nathan's bed. He calls it the "upstairs" bed.
Sign from Brandon's old room. I love that we have this stuff!
On the wall above Gavin's bed
Light switch cover
Fan pull
Light pull
He loves it.
Although he looks so little up there!
Gavin loves climbing.
Kai also is a fan. :)

Week 7

2011-04-30T14:15:00.004-04:00

I finished Week 7 of the Couch to 5K program!! I only have two weeks left. I ran for two miles today and felt great the entire time. I honestly think that I can do this 5K. I'm so excited because I had a rough run yesterday. I attempted to do a quick mile so that I could work on my speed and I felt awful. I had to walk during after 1/2 mile and I was feeling so discouraged. I was so nervous to run today because of yesterday's problems. But I didn't have any issue today! I ran the entire time (29 minutes total) and loved it. I'm starting to accept the fact that I am a slower runner and that is just fine. For me, my races will be about finishing and running the whole time. :) Only two weeks to go and three weeks until my first 5K!!

Week 5 weigh in

2011-04-29T08:22:00.002-04:00

Photo is a little blurry, but 161 again today.

I've hit some

2011-04-28T08:46:00.002-04:00

sort of plateau with my weight loss. I can't get below 161 and it is frustrating! I guess maybe I should alter my diet more? I can't possibly do more exercise, I am working out and /or running every day.

National Infertility Awareness Week

2011-04-27T10:34:00.003-04:00

Infertility sucks. It really does. If you have gone through it, you deserve a medal and a beer or ten. It literally pulls the life right out of you as you struggle to go on to the next day. Over 7 million people in the US suffer from some sort of infertility. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Which means, that people who travel this road don't have to do it in silence. Promote infertility awareness this week and all the time.

In similarly related news, I have an interview next week. It is for a RN position at my old fertility clinic. I want this job so badly. I can confidently say that I would be perfect for this job and I could turn this job into my career. Send good vibes for me next Tuesday!

Well baby visit

2011-04-26T09:00:00.002-04:00

We took all three kids to well child visits yesterday. That was fun (not so much).

Nathan- 37lbs now! Doing well with no issues.

Gavin- 31 and 1/2 inches long and 24.4 lbs. He had an ear infection though. Poor baby, he didn't even let us know that he wasn't feeling well!

Kai- 32 and 1/4 inches long (I knew he was getting taller than Gavin! My tiny baby B!) and 24.2 lbs. His ears are looking great since his tubes. However, the doctor still hears a heart murmur. It was noticed originally several months ago, but they expected it to go away by now. It is probably nothing but the doctor ordered an ECHO for Kai. I am freaking out a tiny bit. I'm calling to schedule that today.

Pictures from Chicago

2011-04-25T09:07:00.004-04:00

Brandon and I had a date-night on Saturday! We went to Chicago to visit some friends. We had an awesome time. We walked around Navy Pier, went and had Chicago style pizza at Gino's, and went to a comedy club. We also had 43569 alcoholic beverages so we had a super duper time! ;) I'm just sharing a couple of pics from that night. It was a much needed break from Mamaville.
Navy Pier
Ready to hit the town

6 weeks

2011-04-21T16:56:00.001-04:00

I finished week 6 of the Couch to 5k program today. I an for 26 minutes straight. 2 whole miles! This is coming from the girl that struggled with running for 1 minute 6 weeks ago and who used to cheat her way through the "mile run" in high school. I've stuck with this for 6 weeks. My joints are sore and I'm tired, but I did it! If I can, you can!!

6.8

2011-04-20T11:24:00.002-04:00

pounds down today. I was 161 this morning!

I can't run today which makes me a little sad. We are going to my mom's for dinner and I will miss out on my normal running time. BUT, I did do Shred it with Weights (another Jillian Michaels' DVD) today. I'm really so proud of myself for sticking to my workout plan. Almost 3 weeks now of working out and eating better (well eating mostly the same, just controlling my portions). So almost 3 weeks and 6.8 pounds gone. I'll take it. Now, if I could just get another 2 pounds down so that I can be in the 150s!! :)

Week 3 weigh in

2011-04-15T08:25:00.003-04:00

The weight is coming off slower now. I'm thinking of switching it up. Doing something besides the 30 day shred on non-running days.

Total loss: 5.2lbs

A big milestone for me

2011-04-14T16:41:00.002-04:00

When I first started the Couch to 5K, I cheated and looked ahead at the weeks to come. It freaked me out to see that at week 5, I would have to run for 20 (TWENTY!!) minutes straight without walking. During week 1, I struggled to run for one minute at a time andI couldn't imagine how I could possibly do 20. I've been dreading today for many weeks. And I did it. 20 minutes of no walking. 20 minutes of running. At the end of the 20 minutes, my Couch to 5K app said "You can call yourself a runner now!" And I am.

Letters to my sons

2011-04-12T12:21:00.000-04:00

Dear Gavin,

April is here! Spring has finally come. Thankfully the weather is warming up nicely and we are able to spend more time outside. You are 15 months old today sweet boy.

You are such a funny kid. You love to play peek-a-boo and climb on things. You love going on walks and being outside playing with your trucks. You love water and bathtime. You love chasing Kai around. You especially love Nathan. You guys are two peas in a pod. He comforts you when you cry and you lay your little head against him. It is so sweet. You love to pretend to talk on the phone. You say "bye-bye" all the time because you want to go somewhere. Probably wanting to go see Grandma. You are still her little buddy. It is so sweet to see you love on her. You are eating more and more foods and love mealtimes. You are starting to notice the TV being on. Barney seems to be a favorite, but your attention span is pretty small. You are still nursing three times a day. Although I don't have to get up in the chair with you and Kai at 5am anymore. We have finally worked out how to get you both asleep at the same time in bed. Although naptime is still done in the chair. Mommy doesn't mind so much though. It is peace and quiet and I get you snuggle you.

15 months has come and gone. Another season is upon us. You are growing so fast. I love you so much.

Always,

Mama

-------------------------

Dear Kai,

Today you are 15 months old!! April has arrived and with it comes warmer weather. We are outside nearly every day now and you love it!

You really love going "bye-bye". You love walks in the stroller and playing outside on the trampoline. You love mealtimes and shoving food in your mouth. You crack up when it gets too full. You are starting to learn how to use a fork and it is so cute. You are still nursing 3-4 times a day and waking up every 2 hours or so. I can't figure out what is wrong there. Hopefully sleep will come for you soon. You love dancing around to music. You sway back and forth and spin in circles. It is adorable. You are quite the bully to Gavin sometimes! You take what you want and push him around. It is funny to me that you have become the leader because you were supposed to be my quiet Baby B! You are still mama's boy though. You follow me around the house and always have to know where I am. It is so sweet and I wonder sometimes if you will always be that way. I kinda hope so. My sweet little Kai-bear.

As I type this you are dancing around the living room and talking to yourself. You are so cute. Happy 15 months sweet boy!

Love,

Mama

Five

2011-04-12T09:16:00.001-04:00

5 pounds down!!

162.6 this morning! I'm going to see the 150s soon! I haven't been in the 150s since the first year of college! Psyched. Totally.

Couch to 5K, 4 weeks DONE

2011-04-08T19:47:00.001-04:00

I'm running 16 minutes a session now. 16 minutes! On to week 5!

Week 2 weigh-in

2011-04-08T09:08:00.002-04:00

Down 4.6lbs total!!

Busy busy!

2011-04-07T09:40:00.004-04:00

With weight loss and the kids and the house and applying for jobs and.... I'm spread thin these days.

As of this morning I weigh 163.6 pounds. 4 lbs lost total! "Weigh-in" for the Biggest Loser is tomorrow and I'm excited! Today is a running day so I'm ready to get out there in the sun.

Job-hunting is going sucky. There, I said it. It is proving impossible to get a job. Wanna know why? Well, this is what happens when all your experience is in one area (maternity care) and you want to go into another area (anything but maternity care). AND this is what happens when you haven't worked since 2009. So, every job out there wants experience in their area and every job out there looks at my employment history and thinks that I have just been sitting on my ass for the past two years. *sigh* So, I'm kinda stuck right now. And it sucks.

In other news, Brandon and I have a big date night coming up! We are going to Chicago on the 23rd to visit some friends and have a night out on the town! I am so excited to get out with him and focus on us for a night.

Goodbye 3lbs!

2011-04-05T08:18:00.002-04:00

I've lost 3 lbs! 164.4 today!

Ok, so maybe my weight loss posts are taking over my blog. But I am just so excited to actually be doing something AND losing weight! This Biggest Loser competition was exactly what I needed!

Down...

2011-04-04T09:09:00.001-04:00

2 lbs!

165.6!

Week 3 done!

2011-04-03T15:34:00.002-04:00

Couch to 5K, week 3 done! Moving on to week 4!

I did it!

2011-04-01T19:47:00.001-04:00

I registered for my first 5K! It is May 21st! I'm scared and excited!

Bravery? I have it.

2011-04-01T16:50:00.006-04:00

The Biggest Loser competition started today! :)

Week 1 starting weight! That's right. I'm sharing my weight in public on my blog. I have the bravery and the insanity.

Couch to 5K week 3 day 2 done!

Getting ready to get started!

2011-03-30T09:24:00.004-04:00

On Friday I am starting a "Biggest Loser" competition on a board that I am on. The contest runs for 2 months. We "weigh in" every Friday and are competing for a pot of almost $200. I'm pretty nervous about getting started. But I'm so excited too. I have a goal of 10lbs, so we'll see how it goes. I'm going to try to cut sweets out of my diet and work to control my portion sizes. As far as working out, I'm currently in Week 3 of the Couch to 5K (hehe, I started back up again without blogging about it) and I'm going to do the 30 Day Shred again.

Here is my BEFORE picture!

Cuties

2011-03-26T17:04:00.004-04:00

Letters to my sons

2011-03-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

Dear Gavin,

March is here and it is finally starting to warm up (a bit). I can't wait until I can take you all outside everyday. We went out for a few minutes today and you weren't sure what to think about walking in the grass and driveway.

You are 14 months old now! Your hair is getting long and you are losing so much of your baby face. You love to play with the the pots and pans and spoons. It can get pretty loud around here! You love it when Nathan pulls you around in the bus (it normally holds all the blocks) or pushes you on the firetruck. It is so sweet to see you playing together. Bathtime is always fun around here! Three little boys in the tub is one funny sight to see. You have dropped another nursing session. You no longer wake up in the middle of the night (well except at 5am). You sleep on your own right next to Daddy and seem to be doing well with that. We will be setting up your room soon. We are going to have all three of our boys in the same room, so we are getting bunk beds. Hopefully you will be able to sleep well without Daddy there. So back to nursing, you have 3 sessions a day. One at 5am, one at 1pm for naptime, and one at 8pm for bedtime. You are eating lots of solid foods, although you are turning into a bit of a picky eater! You have also been taking a bottle of water now and then too. Although I still can't get you to drink milk! In other toddler news, you are becoming quite good at throwing tantrums. When you get angry, you throw things! I think we are in for a rough couple of years with twins and tantrums!

You are such a little firecracker, sweet Gavin. I just adore your fiery spirit and love your sweet laugh. 14 months and going strong!

Love always,

Mama

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Dear Kai,

Today you are 14 months old! Spring is right around the corner! We took you outside today and you really seemed to like it. Although you kept wanting to run into the street, so we will have to work on that one.

I feel like your babyhood is slowly slipping away. You run all around here and you are saying "Bye-bye" and "baba" and just growing up so fast. You love pushing trucks all around the house and have turned into quite the little bully. You take toys from Gavin a lot and push him down. We are really having to watch you two! You throw tantrums right along with Gavin. Your style of tantrums involve throwing yourself on the floor. You are so dramatic and cute. You are still nursing 4 times a day and your sleep is still pretty bad. I don't know why, but you insist on waking up every hour all night long. I am so hoping that you cut that out soon. You seem to be sick all the time though, so I'm wondering if that is why you are up a lot. We are going to be setting up your room (to share with Gavin and Nathan) soon. Hopefully you'll be able to sleep on your own, because Mama needs a little break. Although I'm sure I'll miss sleeping next to you. You are the world's best cuddler.

I'm so looking forward to this summer with you. I think you will love being outside and playing in the yard. Time is just flying by, but know that I love you so much sweet baby.

Always,

Mama

My amazing kid

2011-02-26T19:58:00.003-05:00

Now knows his entire alphabet! He can point and say every letter and is starting to write them too! I love his preschool. I'm just so thrilled that Nathan is making so much progress. He is such a different kid. Yesterday he walked through the store with me and touched nothing. He held onto my hand and talked about the different things he saw, but didn't even think about running around. Last year? He would have been off like a shot and I wouldn't have been able to catch him. I'm just so amazed at the transformation.

Me and my boys

2011-02-24T15:54:00.001-05:00

Before school fun

2011-02-21T09:20:00.002-05:00

The weaning process

2011-02-15T11:58:00.004-05:00

Is slow-going.

When I started a month ago, I was nursing 6 times a day. I have dropped two of those feedings. I haven't quite figured out how to drop the naptime and nighttime feedings. So 5am, 1pm, 8pm, and midnight are the times I can't drop. Hopefully I can get that figured out soon!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T09:51:00.002-05:00

My boys in red!

V-day cupcakes!

2011-02-13T12:23:00.002-05:00

For Nathan's school party tomorrow! :)

Homemade Valentines

2011-02-12T16:00:00.005-05:00

Thanks to a blog post from my friend, Jamie, (seen here) I decided to make homemade cards this year. It would have been far easier to go buy some, but I like a challenge! Plus, I have 3 boys. I rarely get to use all my pink and purple scrapbook paper and stickers.
Nathan helped use the cutter and make heart shapes!
The finished product. 20 Valentines for his classmates and three for his teachers. I am making V-day cupcakes for him to take to his party on Monday!

Letters to my sons...

2011-02-12T09:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Gavin,

13 months old now! It is February and it is finally starting to get a little warmer outside. I am so looking forward to nice weather so that you guys can discover our backyard!

You are in full-blown toddler mode now. You throw fits with the best of 'em! You are almost running through the house now. You bring Mama stuff and expect me to say "Thank you!". You point to things that you like or that you want. You climb on the couch and chair and fireplace. You love playing with pots and pans. You are waking up 1-2 times a night now and still sleeping with Daddy. He can put you to sleep better than I can! You still take one nap a day. You love Grandma. Whenever she is around, I don't even exist! You are eating everything in sight and nursing 3-4 times a day. You are starting to seem interested in Elmo now too! This letter is short and sweet, but you are growing up so quickly now! Soon you'll be talking up a storm and jumping on the bed. I love you Gavin.

Always,

Mama

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Dear Kai,

You are 13 months old today! Warmer weather will soon be here and I can't wait to get you out of the house!

This has been a big month for you. On the 8th, you had surgery on both of your ears. You needed tubes to drain the fluid so that you wouldn't get as many ear infections. You did so well with the surgery. You charmed all the nurses and did wonderfully. You seem to be a much happier kid and I'm so thrilled that you can hear us now. You are such a big boy now, Kai-bear. You actually run through the house now. You say "Mama" and "baba" on a regular basis. You have one or two bottles of whole milk a day. You also nurse 4-5 times still. You eat and eat and eat everything in sight. I actually caught you eating dog food today. You are growing up day by day. I love you sweet boy.

Always,

Mama

Well, I made it 16 days into the photo challenge

2011-02-12T08:14:00.001-05:00

After Kai had surgery, I just didn't have the time to post here! Ah well. It was fun while it lasted!

Kai had surgery today

2011-02-08T16:40:00.002-05:00

And he did awesome! Everything went well today.

For those who just stumbled by searching for "tubes in ears", I'll break it down.

We woke up at the crack of dawn (actually pre-crack) and drove an hour to the surgery center. After signing in with the receptionist, Kai charmed everyone in the waiting room with his cute little walk. He trotted right up to the nurse when she came out to get us! They took us in the pre-op area to ask some questions and to get Kai's weight and vitals. We met with Dr. Ear and the anesthesiologist (Dr. Delicious). :) Kai played in the pre-op area with a glove and the stuff in our diaper bag. About 20 minutes later, the OR nurse came out to get Kai. I held on to him and cried a little bit and then watched him go with the nurse. We went out to the consult room and waited 15 minutes (seriously, 15 minutes). Dr. Ear came out and told us everything went great, gave us some drops for his ear, and said "See you in 6 weeks." We went back to the post-op area and I heard my baby crying. The post-op nurse was holding Kai as he was coming out of anesthesia. He was cranky. Very, very cranky. He didn't even want to nurse. I was sad about that, but they assured us that it was normal. After 10 minutes in the recovery area (seriously, 10 minutes) we packed up our cranky Kai-bear and headed home. Kai was upset for most of the ride home, but fell asleep when we were pulling off the interstate (go figure).

When we got home, Kai sat on my lap and ate pancakes, nursed for 20 minutes, and then fell asleep for an hour. He is now happily playing with his toys like nothing ever happened. I am so hoping that he is out of pain now and can hear. The surgery was the right thing to do.

Day 16- Someone that inspires me

2011-02-06T19:03:00.007-05:00

Jillian Michaels inspires me to get off my ass and workout.
Geralyn Lucas, author of "Why I wore lipstick to my mastectomy." Her self-resolve and ability to push through obstacles inspire me.
President Obama inspires me with his speeches.

Ina May Gaskin inspired me to take control of my birth with the twins and I was able to have them at home.