Thursday, May 19, 2011

There is no one way to parent

and judgment will get you nowhere. You know, I used to think that I had this parenting thing all figured out. I would do this and this and NOT do this and I would be perfect and everyone else was doing it WRONG. I was a fool.

There honestly is no right way to do this. That has hit me twice this week. Once when I was reading a friend's blog and she was remarking on how people had judged her for her parenting. I panicked thinking that she had felt some sort of judgment from me because we had made different choices in the past. Thankfully all was well and she was commenting about something else entirely. But that honestly had me evaluting my interactions with other mothers. Do I come off as judgmental? I am a very opinionated person obviously. I have a passion for things and they can take over my thinking. But I do not want to come off that way. Not in the least.

And two, someone actually told me that I am selfish for weaning my twins. Are you fucking kidding me?! I posted on a Breastfeeding friendly Facebook page. The question was "What are your current breastfeeding goals?" I remarked about how I was in the process of weaning the babies. I had two more sessions to drop and hoped to be done by 18 months. Someone actually sent me a private message saying that I needed to let the twins decide when they wanted to "self-wean". I was shocked and outraged.

You know what?! There is no right way to do this. Not in the least bit. I say that as long as you are the best parent that you can be and your child is safe, warm, and fed then you are doing a DAMN GOOD JOB. Screw everyone else that casts their judgment upon you. This is ridiculous. If you want to breastfeed, then you should, and I hope that you can find the information and support you need. If you don't or can't, then you know what, it will be ok. My breastfeeding posts may have come off a little strong in the past. I regret that. It took having twins and realizing how really hard this breastfeeding thing really is.

So there is my little rant and self-realization for the day. If I have said or posted anything on this page that has made you feel judged in your parenting: I'm sincerely sorry.

And to the bitch that sent me that private message: you suck.

8 comments:

Andrea said...

My first question is: Did that woman that send you the PM breastfeed twins herself? If not, don't comment. If she did, she would be more understanding. I don't think you are judgmental at all, but most of that is probably because I'm as opinionated as you are! :) I agree, though, that more times than not, the parent is truly trying to do what is best for their child and them...and it's not the same thing as what is best for you. Sometimes that is hard.

Mandy said...

Couldn't agree more with your post. Love it. XOXO. . .Mandy

Stacy said...

I breastfed my son until 14 months and I received comments about him "being to old". I think people to need to just do what is right for them!

norajane said...

Nursing twins is HARD. You are doing what you need to do to be the best mother possible. Your babies are thriving. That lady can take a leap.

Amanda & Joel said...

OMG I can't believe someone had the balls to say that to you! I don't know of anyone else with twins who has breastfed at ALL. You are a freaking hero, and for someone to try to say that wasn't good enough - well my GOD I'd like to punch them in the face on your behalf. Ugh. Seriously I bet that person has one baby, who's under a year old...

I've had this realization lately too. Every year that goes by it seems things get harder and I spend more time in "survival mode" than anything else. It's funny to think back to when I was a new mom & thought I knew what I was doing! HA!

CLeigh said...

Go you!

Erin said...

My jaw dropped when I read that. I can't believe somebody would criticize you for weaning them at 18 months. Most people don't even breastfeed a single baby that long. This is wrong to say, but knowing how much you sacrificed and how little sleep you got, I want to punch that person.

I get the same thing on Facebook if I say something like "Man I wish Luke would sleep without being held so I can do the dishes." People start giving me crap like, "Just enjoy it, they won't be little long" blah, blah blah. It's not like I'm saying I never want to hold him, but is it really too much to want him to take a nap in bed so I can clean? Not to mention by the time I'm trying to lay him down, I've held him and nursed him for at least a half hour.

You are right, no matter what you do, somebody always has something to say about it.

AmyB said...

With all the trouble I've had with breastfeeding and for the short period of times ended up breastfeeding Seth and Mason you never said one hurtful thing to me Mandie. You gave me nothing but encouragement, which means the world to me.
This post made me cry. I think it was the honesty of it.