Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Reconciling my beliefs...Winter Solstice

Many of you may know that I have had a crisis of faith over the past couple of years. I wasn't really sure what I believed and what I didn't believe. It left me feeling really unfulfilled because I didn't have a label for myself. I surely wasn't Christian because I don't believe in Jesus or the bible. I wasn't quite Pagan either.

So I defined myself as agnostic simply because I liked having that label. I am more of Agnostic theist with a splash of Paganism. Agnostic because I can't confirm the presence of a God or Goddess. But the theism side comes from the fact that although I can't confirm the presence of a God/ Gods, I believe that there is something out there. Clear as mud no? And I love the ritualism and main belief system of the Pagan community. I also appreciate the history of Paganism.

So I've come to the conclusion that I don't really need to have a label. But on days like today I feel such a strong spiritual pull. Today is the day of the Winter Solstice. It marks the turning point, in which the days start lengthening. So the light diminishes the dark. I have my candle lit today as I do every Solstice. I love the ritual. I love the cleansing feeling I get from today. It makes me happy inside.

But I also celebrate Christmas. Although we have no Christ in Christmas. After all, the history of Christmas does not include Jesus. We celebrate the day as a day of giving to our family and friends. We celebrate with the story of Saint Nicholas who was the basis behind Santa Claus.

So while my beliefs may not be cut and dry or popular, I feel a sense of peace about it. I pray nightly to a God or Goddess. I'm just not meant to know what that higher power is. I just believe in something higher than myself.

Love this time of year.


adelev said...

This is a beautiful post. I believe I first found your blog when you posted on a Unitarian Universalist thread on mothering.com. I think you would fit right in with a UU community, but it seems you have found the perfect place for yourself spiritually already. :-)


Rochelle said...

This is how I feel too. My husband is much more sure of his faith and considers himself an atheist but I just have to believe there is something bigger, even if our puny human brains can't begin to comprehend it.

Jamie said...

I love you for this, and I, too, love solstice. We got married on the summer solstice, and it was magical.

Mandie said...

Thank you all.

Adele- I wish there were some way to keep up with you. I have always found your comments so sweet and helpful. I wish there was a UU church around here. The closest is about an hour away.

Jamie- You are awesome. That's all. Just awesome. I love your acceptance. :)