Friday, November 5, 2010

On my parallel life

I recently had a dream about my parallel life. "What is a parallel life?", you ask. Well, my definition of a parallel life is one that you would be leading had you not made the basic decisions that led you to where you are today. Clear as mud, no?

So in my parallel dream life, I imagine that I did not get married and did not have children. I dreamed that I lived in some swanky apartment in Chicago (which is actually where I would have gone, had I not got married). I was a lot thinner in this dream, which was fun, no baby weight for me! I even looked less stressed out! It was the weirdest thing. In this dream I was on the balcony of my favorite apartment, reading a book, drinking wine, and looking over the skyline of Chicago. It was pure heaven. Then the dream started to drag on. I just kept watching myself sitting there, on the balcony, alone. I remember that I started to get nervous, like when are the kids going to come find me? Then it hit me that they weren't around because I didn't have any! It was the oddest and saddest feeling. I wanted to wake up then to check on the babies and I was done with my parallel life. But I wouldn't wake. I started to get frustrated saying things like "Mandie, it is time to wake up! Now!" And no dice. I just sat there on the balcony, presenting a calm front, but inside I was sad and lonely.

Finally I woke up, and reached over to stoke Kai's hair. It was a nice moment. And I realized that while that parallel life would be nice once and while (hello, a book that someone hasn't drooled on?!) I would miss my kids too much. Oh and Brandon too. ;)

1 comment:

April said...

I always think how boring and truely lonely it was before Kaylee..just amazing how our lil ones can make us feel so complete! HEHEHE Even during the chaotic times! :)