Sunday, December 20, 2009

Reflections on this pregnancy as I near the end...

I know in my heart that the end of this pregnancy is near. I feel that surge of excitement that can only be explained by this knowledge. My goal is just 2 days away now. My body is preparing for labor. I feel the intense pressure caused by one of my sons' heads. I feel the decrease in movement because they have run out of space. They are coming soon.

This has been a pregnancy full of ups and downs. What started out as a struggle to get pregnant is about to end with two, tiny, souls being welcomed into our family. My heart aches to think about the fear and uncertainty I felt when I found out that I was carrying two babies. I wanted to escape. I wanted to run away from a "high-risk" pregnancy. It was such a dark and depressing time in my life. I was so afraid for these babies, for our family, and for myself. I thought that there would be no way that I could come out of this pregnancy with two, big, healthy babies. I doubted myself and I doubted my body. The thought of that makes me ashamed because I know now that my body is so strong.

Although, I had to experience those dark times, in order to be where I am today. I have learned so much about myself during this pregnancy. I learned that I am strong. I am capable of handling anything. These babies were meant to come to us. I was meant to be their mother. And here I am, just days away from my goal. And likely just days away from meeting these tiny beings. My pregnancy was not "high-risk". It was relaxed and smooth. I did not allow fear of the medical community to cloud my judgement and decisions regarding my care.

I am lucky. I sit here with a belly full of two lives. There are three heartbeats inside my body right now. I look forward to birth. I can't wait to meet them.

2 comments:

Ashley said...

God has definitely blessed you! Merry Christmas!

Erin said...

I'm so glad you were able to have a smooth pregnancy and make it to your goal! Way to go!