Tuesday, August 25, 2009

20 weeks

Halfway there today! I can't believe that I am considered 5 months pregnant now.

How I am feeling: Well, to be honest, it hit me last night that these babies will be coming in four months. 4 months!! I feel like this pregnancy is going way too fast for me. I am just not ready. After realizing last night that I only have 4 months left, I started to feel such fear. :( I'm really scared about how the births will go. I am really scared of my relationship with Nathan changing forever. I am scared about how much my life will change after they arrive. I really don't want to go back to waking up every hour at night and the thought of taking care of three kids is enough to make me break out into a cold sweat. So, those are really the only thoughts I have today as I hit the halfway point. I am also trying to come to terms with the fact that I will never have a daughter. I guess I am just mourning that loss right now too. Not that I am not excited about having two more boys, I am just a little sad that we will never have the chance to parent a daughter.

What the babies are up to: Each baby's delicate skin is protected with a greasy, cheese-like coating called vernix caseosa. By now each baby may be about 6 1/3 inches (160 millimeters) long from crown to rump and weigh more than 11 ounces (320 grams).


Amanda said...

Wow, 20 weeks already!!??

I get you on the daughter thing... we are most likely done now too, and it does make me a little sad that we won't get that experience.

I was also very worried about my Nathan too... and aside from those first couple of weeks where daddy had to take over a lot of things for me, I'm relieved that he and I are just as close as ever. I'm sure you'll find the same to be true for you too. (Though he seems like a giant now and that is still a little depressing! lol) :)

Just keep thinking ahead to a few years from now.. when all 3 of your little boys will be running around the yard, playing together, wrestling, and making each other laugh... At that point, all of these worries will be forgotten right? (I know I know, easy for me to say right!!) ;)

Twisted Cinderella said...

I am 20 weeks now too and I am a little nervous about when the baby comes. I am nervous for Princess Magpie who is only 13 months old.

I have thought about the fact that while I LOVE my girls and I wouldn't change them, I will never have a Momma's boy. I just keep thinking about how close my girls will be as they grow up.

Andrea said...

I had the same fear about changing my relationship with Carys. I was really nervous and often felt like I was cheating on her. It is hard to explain, but I get it. And just so you know, your relationship does change and there are still times when I miss that one-on-one closeness with her, but you will both be ok. Just remember that you will have to make a point to carve out individual time for him.

I completely get you on the daughter thing. I feel that way about a son. It's extremely difficult to talk about and there isn't a lot of support out there. I wish I could say something to make it better, but I haven't found it. I'm sure it gets better with time. Maybe try to think of all the granddaughters your three sons will give you! :)

My aunt has three sons and she said it was the best thing ever. They are all so close and have such an extremely close and special bond. I know your boys will, too.

They will be here before you know it! I'm excited for you, but wish I was closer to come help. You are strong, though, and I know you can do this. (((HUGS)))

Syd said...

Mandie, I know you are feeling overwhelmed with all that lies a head of you. Something that helped me when I was pregnant with Gretta when I was worried about my relationship with Mari was, giving a sibling to her was going to strengthen our relationship as well as giving her another amazing relationship. Watching the kids together is amazing. The love they share takes your breathe away. Try to keep that in mind. You are giving so much to him by making him a big brother. :) I hope that helpsl.