Monday, May 11, 2009

Bloodwork results and instant fear.

I'm freaking right now. Actually freaking out isn't the word, scared beyond belief fits better.

Got my results back from the beta today.

We were wanting it above 4.000 because that would signal that it was doubling within normal limits.

Well, my number was 7,059.

I am happy that they are doubling (tripling) ok but now I am just plain scared out of my mind that there are 2 babies in there.

I know beggers can't be choosers and everything, but man, this is just so scary.

I picture my homebirth going out the window, being strapped to a operating table, delivering pre-term babies who will be in the NICU for months, not being able to nurse them, etc.

I'm really, really scared now. I don't know if I can handle two babies at once.

Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement! I am really feeling better about it today and am much more calm.

I think that a small part of me was expecting the numbers to not double (as if I am waiting for something bad to happen) and the high numbers just took me completely off-guard.

I hope that no one thinks that I am complaining about this situation at all! I am very, very excited about this! I am beyond thrilled to be pregnant! :) I just use this blog as a venting space for all my thoughts and fears and this happened to be one of them yesterday.


Andrea said...

Please don't worry about all that stuff right now. I don't think a homebirth is completely out the window, even if it is twins. Research, research, research. There was a mom in my due date club on MDC that had a wonderful OB and delivered both naturally (although it was at a hossy). He even let her have the second one breach! You can do this!!!!!!

April said...

Hun don't count yourself out for you plan yet! Plenty of women give vaginal birth and bf'd twins. Now a homebirth might be a bit ify but if you find the right hossy you can still have it YOUR way..kwim! Also multiples aren't always born early nor need NICU.......IT"LL BE OK! :) Just think if ya got twins in there, it one less time to deal with IUI's and meds again! :)

Your so blessed and lucky! Hey and it could still be one.....your numbers are similar to mine with Kaylee! :)

Mandie said...

Thank you both so much!

Amanda said...

Wow wow wow! (My heart sunk a little when I saw the title of your post... so glad it's not the other kind of fear!)

Will you have an u/s soon to find out? I totally understand your fears! But whatever happens, you will be ok! (Our midwives have attended several twin births ;)) And there's lots of twin mamas who breastfeed successfully! It will be ok!

Erin said...

You'll do fine! Remember twins are just a variation of normal.

Jessica said...

Even if your baby IS preemie and in the NICU, you can nurse. My daughter was 5 weeks early and has ALWAYS been breastfed (we did have to pump some) but 15 months and going strong (if not stronger lol).

You can do it!

Jamie said...

You can handle this - whether it's one or two wonderful babies!!