Friday, January 30, 2009

devastated

Nathan is on a nursing strike. 2 days have passed since he last nursed. I thought it was because of a stuffy nose. Now I'm not sure. He fell a couple of days ago and bit his tongue. It bled at the time, but he seemed fine after that. He hasn't nursed since then.

I am beyond sad. I have moved into a place of depression. It was just so sudden. I didn't even savor our last session. I didn't look into his eyes and watch him. I didn't hold him close and just breathe him in. I miss it so much.

I feel like I've failed. I wanted to nurse him for 2 years. I wanted to tandem nurse with the next baby. And now, it's gone. I just keep crying. The tears won't stop.

3 comments:

April&Jason said...

Awww I'm so sorry! Sweetie you have not failed at all, in fact you have far exceeded so many others! You have gave lil Nathan the best for so long. And as for savoring the last session, I know you took in every session and savored the moment.....Hugs sweetie! Do you think its possible that he will nurse again? I hope so!

:)

Jamie said...

I'm thinking about you lots. Give it time - he may very well come back to it! This is nothing you did. But I know it doesn't stop your heart from hurting right now. ((hugs))

Adele said...

I remember that happening to me and it was extremely sad. I remember feeling the exact same thing - I didn't know the last time was going to be the last time. And for me it wasn't, my daughter came back to nursing again. It could very well happen the same way for you, especially if it was prompted by an injury to his mouth. Either way, you certainly didn't "fail". You did an amazing job! ((hugs))